Header Photo: LEON NEAL/AFP (Getty) Cover Image @KimmyMonte (Twitter)
When a week ends, a collection of funniest tweets is born for your twisted Twitter-loving pleasure.
Give our top 20 tweets of the week a quick glance, enjoy a hearty laugh and then scurry off into your weekend, but first, remember to follow these fine folks on Twitter. Their blood, sweat and tweets did not come easily, but again, neither did your weekend.
Tweet yourself to these, then follow us @Mandatory on Twitter.
People: “If only there were some good news sometimes.”
The internet: “Here’s a really big cow.”
People: “Close enough for now.”— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) November 27, 2018
My 7 year old nephew Josh just told me all he wants for Hanukkah are indictments.
— billy eichner (@billyeichner) November 30, 2018
Poon. https://t.co/456fpaJ9ax
— Seth Rogen (@Sethrogen) November 21, 2018
A dude was cut up with a bone saw not too long ago but ok
— Spanky Claus McDutcherson (@thatdutchperson) November 29, 2018
When we sang if you are happy and you know it clap your hands I never clapped. This was because at the time I wasn’t happy and I knew that
— Bexentric (@Bexentricity) November 29, 2018
My phone is now essentially just for twitter, the weather, and googling how tall celebrities are.
— bananafanafofisa (@lisaxy424) November 29, 2018
When you’re done here: Today’s Mandatory Funny Photos
This is Franklin. He took his baths in the sink as a puppy. Refuses to ever pupgrade to the tub. Thinks he fits just fine. 13/10 good boy Franklin pic.twitter.com/dR4VQ3gZJF
— WeRateDogs™ (@dog_rates) November 29, 2018
The woman next to me at lunch asked what I was reading. I started to describe the plot. Two star crossed girls in high school. Unlikely love story. She cut me off and said she wasn’t gay so it didn’t interest her. I looked at the cover of her book. It’s about a serial killer.
— Sarah Watson (@SarahWatson42) November 26, 2018
I think my laptop is broken. pic.twitter.com/xVey9NJGJE
— Ollie Garch: Redux (@ojedge) November 28, 2018
Me still trying to shop at Forever 21 pic.twitter.com/Cc60PVKfxq
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) November 28, 2018
Show your work. https://t.co/OeHPGVS6rc
— Michael McKean (@MJMcKean) November 27, 2018
*Chuck Schumer walks into negotiations with the Joker*
Schumer: We’re only going to let you burn HALF the world and that’s my final offer
Joker:
Schumer:
Joker:
Schumer:
Joker: I didn’t ask for anything yet
Schumer: Ok fine two thirds— maura quint (@behindyourback) November 27, 2018
A threesome but it’s just me and two different pieces of pie.
— Candy Cane Shank (@sixfootcandy) November 19, 2018
in the two and half hour twitter break i took, i really learned a lot about myself like the fact that i have children and their names
— kim christmas (@KimmyMonte) November 27, 2018
Study Finds Dogs Twitching In Sleep Are Dreaming About Tearing Owners Limb From Limb https://t.co/xe4zF4Yrl6 pic.twitter.com/k34t1jFMrp
— The Onion (@TheOnion) November 26, 2018
