urine sample — "Doctor handing the patient a sterile sample collection cup. Shallow depth of field, focused on the hand and cup. Please visit my lightbox for more similar photos"

Ohio Woman Uses Somebody Else’s Urine But Still Tests Positive For Drugs

May 1, 2018

I need a sample! Photo: fluxfoto (Getty)

That has to pee you off.

According to WTHR, 24-year-old Kiana Wallace will spend the next 18 months in prison after pleading guilty earlier this month to attempted tampering with evidence. The evidence, of course, being her own urine.

Well, at least it was supposed to be her urine sample for a routine drug test that was part of her 2017 jail and probation sentence for drug possession. Unfortunately for Wallace, it turns out the cup of piss she borrowed to help her pass the test also wound up having drugs in it, so she really got herself into a bind this time around.

ohio woman urine test fail — Photo: Belmont County, Ohio Jail

Saying he “wouldn’t allow her to make a mockery of the drug and alcohol testing system,” Judge Frank Fregiato was quite pissed (pun intended) about the “bizarre” turn of events orchestrated by Wallace and gave her 18 months in the clink.

They don’t need it for testing, either: Oregon Woman Gets Men To Pay Her Hundreds Of Dollars For Bottles Of Her Urine

In a related story, how big of a knob do you have to be to sell somebody a jar of tainted pee, knowing said person is going straight to prison after he or she hands it over to the powers that be? Who knows? Maybe it will wind up being the funniest bit in a new show called Punk’d in Prison. Then it’s OK, we suppose.

Tommy Gimler is a stand-up comedian, musician, writer, emcee and all-around good guy. He has worked hundreds of stages across the country, including those at The Laugh Factory, The World Famous Comedy Store and dozens of Improvs.

Tommy has had the pleasure of emceeing events for amazing clients such as Budweiser, Mitsubishi, Chase, Discovery, Animal Planet in front of thousands of people at events like the Super Bowl, X Games, U.S. Open, Little League World Series.