Header Photo: FRED TANNEAU/AFP (Getty) / @mtobey (Twitter)
Another week, another batch of the funniest tweets collected for your viewing pleasure. Give them a read, and remember to follow these fine folks on Twitter. They’re not just putting their hilarious thoughts out there for their health, after all. Plus, if you’re just going to wind up repeating these jokes to your friends later and passing them off as your own, the least you can do is throw a little admiration their way. It’s only fair.
Follow @Mandatory on Twitter.
Funny Tweets 11-10-17
*finishes a project in 20 minutes that was supposed to take 40 minutes*
*celebrates by screwing around online for 4 hours*
— Elvish Presley (@_ElvishPresley_) November 8, 2017
This dude just broke that strawberry’s neck. pic.twitter.com/WiWdjGq09x
— Phil Wells (@thephilwells) November 9, 2017
How do showers even get dirty? I don’t have to clean the inside of my dishwasher or the washing machine. Get showers up to 2017, nerds.
— Mike Primavera (@primawesome) October 18, 2017
I’m a joker
I’m a smoker pic.twitter.com/8ek3gRiLcw— Jon Savitt (@savittj) November 4, 2017
Growing up in the 90s, I thought I’d run into way more people named Topanga by now.
— Lindsay (@Rollinintheseat) October 18, 2017
(nickelback voice)
this is how you remind me
of Yosemite sam
this is how you remind me
of Yosemite sam
its not like you’re
bugs bunny
i was waitin on a pig that’s funny
but porky is hatin
that fucker needs to give me bacon— EVERETT BYRAM (@rad_milk) November 9, 2017
“Anybody here named Jeff?”
Jeff: “Yes”
Geoff: “Yeos”— Matt Tobey (@mtobey) January 21, 2016
Look what this idiot got himself into this morning. pic.twitter.com/MMhznujcXK
— ralphthemoviemaker (@ralphsepe) November 5, 2017
How come no one gives credit to Moses for having the first tablet that could connect to the cloud?
— Bolton (@ericdbolton) October 18, 2017
YOU CAN’T BUY HOT POCKETS YOU CAN ONLY BUY COLD POCKETS YOU ARE EXPECTED SUPPLY THE HEAT YOURSELF DONT BELIEVE THE LIES.
— mcc (@MattMcC1) November 25, 2016
How does this make you feel? pic.twitter.com/wyWteMeMRD
— Dunny (@lykebutts) November 7, 2017
no matter what you’re going through, always remember someone on Yahoo Answers was going through the same thing in 2007
— javie (@jyoungwhite) October 20, 2017
I love how The Beatles are called “the most successful band in modern history” like they can’t quite top that band from ancient history.
— nov (@novixv) April 9, 2016
Josh: nineteen pilots?
Tyler: mmm…nah
Josh: ….twenty pilots?
Tyler: idk, still feels like it’s not there
Josh: twenty…one?…pilots?
Tyler: pic.twitter.com/NkiQpxHPk2— mark hoppus (@markhoppus) November 8, 2017
The next person who says I’m using chopsticks incorrectly can cut this umbilical cord themselves
— schmox (@IvoryGazelle) June 23, 2017
friendship age 12: we’re gonna hire out halo and play legendary co-op all night dude
friendship age 27: hey I’m inviting you to the 2nd group chat, the secret one, where we make fun of people in the other normal group chat— Christian (@nopoweradeinusa) November 8, 2017
as requested by a few of you: etch a sketched lebron as arthur pic.twitter.com/qz7IsNr2lz
— Mina Kimes (@minakimes) November 8, 2017
140 Character Twitter vs 280 Character Twitter pic.twitter.com/j5r6mMh8vL
— tommy pickles (@laneyrodg) November 9, 2017
2016: Everyone you love in entertainment will die!
2017: Everyone you love in entertainment is a sexual degenerate.
2018: The dog from Air Bud is the Zodiac Killer.— Lord Goomba (@ObscureGent) November 8, 2017
[Nursing school]
Doctor: ladies, if you want in the ER you’re gonna have to put on these *holding up scrubs*
TLC: absolutely not
— Bear Knee Sanders (@LeBearGirdle) November 9, 2017
