Photo: Tom Merton (Getty)
Thank you, God?
Well, not quite.
According to The Mercury News, an Anderson, California man returned to his house last Tuesday and noticed somebody had ripped open a package on his front porch using a utility knife that he had last seen inside his house. He then went inside to investigate, and that’s when things got a tad crazier.
The man next found a half-eaten sandwich, an open beer and an empty beer bottle, and son of a bitch, it seemed as though somebody had stolen his pack of cigarettes. The investigation furthered, as he turned his attention toward his bathroom, where he noticed somebody had recently showered and left clothes all over the floor.
Those clothes belonged to 33-year-old Michelle Watkins, and he was able to figure that out rather quickly because he found her…wait for it…naked and passed out in his bed.
Instead of waking her up and living out his favorite porno fantasy, the man woke her up and called 911. She put on some clothes, walked out to his porch and sat in a chair while police made their way to the house. She was arrested on “suspicion of residential burglary, petty theft and possession of stolen property.”
That stolen property? You guessed it: The man’s cancer sticks, so at least this story kind of has a happy ending for the dude.
