I’m a nerd. An extremely nerdy, goofy, Pokémon loving nerd. I’m desperately waiting for this coming March when Pokémon Black and White come to the US. Japanese nerds have it now, but we have to wait. But at least we can wait whilst reflecting on some of the most gloriously dumb looking Pokémon to see digital collection over the span of the last 15 or so years.
Nintendo, if you’re reading, know that I love these stupid looking jerks. I think I love them more than the epic looking variety. Please, keep making them.
1st Appearance: Red, Blue, Yellow
Why this Pokémon made the list:
Mr. Mime, oddly enough, looks like a cross between a pedo-clown and that hooker you bought to make your friends jealous during junior prom. He’s gross, disturbing and looking for a good time. No kissing.
Magikarp
1st Appearance: Red, Blue, Yellow
Why this Pokémon made the list:
Magikarp is the stupid goldfish you won at the state fair when you were eight; except with a weird Asian mustache. You snagged him, tossed him in a bag and watched him die on the way home. Sure, if he actually did survive, he turned into this badass sea monster that you could surf on; but you always questioned if the final result was worth the years and years you spent splash attacking your neighbors.
Jumpluff
1st Appearance: Gold, Silver, Crystal
Why this Pokémon made the list:
I don’t know whether I should sigh at this bastard’s adorable qualities or snort a line of Claritin. He looks like a disabled piece of pollen.
Unown
1st Appearance: Gold, Silver, Crystal
Why this Pokémon made the list:
Unown actually manages to wrangle in the trifecta for dumbness: all forms of it look stupid, it’s completely useless and it teaches kids poor spelling. Consider the letter k completely dissed.
Shuckle
1st Appearance: Gold, Silver, Crystal
Why this Pokémon made the list:
Part snail, part worm, all awkward.
Dugtrio
1st Appearance: Red, Blue, Yellow
Why this Pokémon made the list:
Dugtrio looks just fine, honestly. Had it not been for the image below, this sucker would have remained just a relatively normal looking entry in the Pokédex. But one can never unsee that which has already been seen. Credit this drawing to the internet hive mind, I first saw it on some shady forums.
Jynx
1st Appearance: Red, Blue, Yellow
Why this Pokémon made the list:
Drop acid and watch Whoopi Goldberg in the movie Eddie. That’s what Jynx probably looks like. Jesus.
Bidoof
1st Appearance: Diamond, Pearl, Platinum
Why this Pokémon made the list:
Oh, Bidoof… This is actually a Pokémon I specifically remember physically laughing at the first time he jumped me in the tall grass. Between the absurd teeth and the awkward beaver beard, Bidoof will always rank as one of the dumbest looking Pocket Monsters ever conceived. Until you consider….
Bibarel
1st Appearance: Diamond, Pearl, Platinum
Why this Pokémon made the list:
The evolved form of Bidoof. That’s right… they made him fatter, gave him a tail, trimmed the beard and told him to sit down. Wonderful.
Nosepass
1st Appearance: Ruby, Sapphire, Emerald
Why this Pokémon made the list:
A walking, attacking, evolving version of the odd heads from Easter Island… maybe. The creepy nose, the stubby legs, the weird earholes; we really don’t even know what’s going on here.
Probopass
1st Appearance: Diamond, Pearl, Platinum
Why this Pokémon made the list:
Give Nosepass a Devo hat and a sweet mustache and he jumps from creepy to downright hilarious. Wow, this is evolution. This is it. This is what we, the human race, are aiming for.
Ludicolo
1st Appearance: Ruby, Sapphire, Emerald
Why this Pokémon made the list:
Just… look at this Mexican cactus duck. Epic.
Get psyched for Pokémon Black and White to finally release in the States this March. Honestly, if the previous generations of Pokémon are any indication, this new lineup is going to be stellar. Both in an epic way and in a ridiculous way.
