Header Photo: Bethany Clarke (Getty) / Megan (Twitter)
Another week, another batch of the funniest tweets collected for your viewing pleasure. Give them a read, and remember to follow these fine folks on Twitter. They’re not just putting their hilarious thoughts out there for their health, after all. Plus, if you’re just going to wind up repeating these jokes to your friends later and passing them off as your own, the least you can do is throw a little admiration their way. It’s only fair.
Follow @robfee on Twitter.
Funny Tweets 7-7-17
Roommate has date coming by later and asked me to clean bc he’s not home. So I made a Princess D shrine in his room pic.twitter.com/wfOeVUm7yW
— Deep Web Italian (@Deno_Tron) July 1, 2017
Hannibal Buress sent a guy that looks literally nothing like him to take his place at the Spider Man premier. God, I love Hannibal. pic.twitter.com/GQFAbcgQEB
— Steve French (@JonMBrenner) June 29, 2017
I’ve never seen a one sentence headline contradict itself pic.twitter.com/7azJBGXeOR
— Ari Fishbein (@arifishbein) June 27, 2017
I used to go around and ask my neighbors if I could take pictures of the inside of their houses so I could build the neighborhood on sims
— Christine Sydelko (@csydelko) June 30, 2017
I’m home alone tonight! Might spend the free time making booby traps.
Not to scare off burglars; just to keep my kids from getting back in.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) June 29, 2017
Yesterday I learned that my mom has no idea what our dog looks like pic.twitter.com/N6xUWvseci
— Jeff Squires (@jeff_jssj) June 28, 2017
“am i over the line?” pic.twitter.com/xuK7KQyXaz
— punk (@NUEPORTS) June 29, 2017
When you gotta flip ya whole blanket around bc it’s horizontal and you need it to be vertical pic.twitter.com/tgSclUgmPZ
— drink water (@beccflix) June 27, 2017
I present to you all an avodoggo pic.twitter.com/8FbR3d7q03
— Reedus (@MasterHandFD) July 2, 2017
trying to find your friends at a festival like: pic.twitter.com/iZ8cBg0Iwx
— courtney (@cfoxyroxy) June 26, 2017
My dog saw a dog that looked exactly like her pic.twitter.com/hMb6Powska
— kim k (@missvanessadiaz) July 2, 2017
Started asking the folks at Chipotle to individually package my ingredients so I can assemble it all at home.
Am I weird? Or brilliant? pic.twitter.com/OUXbJH3c7g
— Josh Williams (@jw) July 3, 2017
i know it’s friday but ima start a thread where i tweet this every thursday from now on pic.twitter.com/PbbejQEBGl
— wus poppin jimbo (@BillRatchet) May 26, 2017
My mom just sent me this of my dad pic.twitter.com/fMuVFTkpBQ
— Paige Alban (@paigealban23) July 3, 2017
The “just drink water” brigade is tiring. Just drop your gym programme/skincare routine/dermatologist and/or surgeon’s number and go. https://t.co/xzFQlmGs9A
— winford (@WinCollings) June 27, 2017
Focus group. This could have been avoided with 1 focus group (of women). pic.twitter.com/C76lv5ji33
— Jillian David (@JillianDavid13) July 3, 2017
I wonder what it’s like to be able to put your hair in a low ponytail and not look like a founding father
— Megan (@megan_middle) June 30, 2017
we’re all in 2017, while Chick-Fil-A is in 4027 pic.twitter.com/JJV2mP4Eek
— Gym Rat (@cantguardkaleb) June 29, 2017
Do you know how weird you gotta be to order EXTRA coleslaw?? https://t.co/TRPkLNYRhd
— Darius (@Scufy6) June 27, 2017
[me giving a tour of pillow factory]
guy: “what do you fill the pillows with?”
me: [spotting a family of ducks in tour group] “just stuff”— k e e t (@KeetPotato) July 2, 2017
