Header Photo: LEON NEAL/AFP (Getty) / electrolemon (Twitter)
Another week, another batch of the funniest tweets collected for your viewing pleasure. Give them a read, and remember to follow these fine folks on Twitter. They’re not just putting their hilarious thoughts out there for their health, after all. Plus, if you’re just going to wind up repeating these jokes to your friends later and passing them off as your own, the least you can do is throw a little admiration their way. It’s only fair.
Follow @robfee on Twitter.
Funny Tweets 6-30-17
DUDE pic.twitter.com/65aEy4FRJM
— kāli (@kalionthedaily1) June 22, 2017
Flat Earth Facebook update: they think rocks are trees. pic.twitter.com/4F1Kg5TZY1
— Stefan (@boring_as_heck) June 20, 2017
And the headline of the year goes to… pic.twitter.com/SiboZ2gFex
— Grant Tucker (@GrantTucker) June 24, 2017
How many movies are actually kung-fu movies, but we don’t know it because the characters never have to use it?
— Ray (@SirEviscerate) June 21, 2017
“… but in the end it turns out, the mist was inside me the whole time.” pic.twitter.com/90LxO02XEG
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 24, 2017
me as a wife https://t.co/ZWEsAW7WAu
— haylee haxton (@hayhax08) June 22, 2017
[during sex]
him: talk freaky to me, baby
her: k. I am the god of lies.
him: what the fuck,
her: your existence is an illusion— Audrey Porne (@AudreyPorne) May 5, 2016
PRIEST: Do you take Florence to be your wife?
THE MACHINE: I do
PRIEST: Does anyone have anything-
RAGE: [from the back] I’M AGAINST THIS
— Terry F (@daemonic3) July 23, 2016
BREAKING: Uber Announces New CEO pic.twitter.com/SJJX9txBV1
— Patrick Monahan (@pattymo) June 21, 2017
checks out pic.twitter.com/oe3xrHzMN6
— KRANG T. NELSON (@KrangTNelson) June 25, 2017
Had 2 have my makeup done 4 a fashion show 2day. Went into ESTÉE LAUDER and the ‘professional artist’ genuinely thought these looked similar pic.twitter.com/8mEVapsfyP
— em (@EmmaGyde) June 22, 2017
my aunt gave birth this morning and my grandpa is obviously very excited pic.twitter.com/EVvs0RGOu8
— ㅤ (@_meezy_) June 20, 2017
why am i allowed to just buy werther’s originals. they should be like girl scout cookies. you should have to know an old person to get them
— demi adejuyigbe (@electrolemon) June 22, 2017
holy shit
A cronym
C
R
O
N
Y
M— Fro Vo (@fro_vo) June 23, 2017
Someone in Larry Bird’s extended family fucked a bird. This is sesame street canon. pic.twitter.com/PTa5lvWfN3
— Culinary Taxonomist (@lordbeef) June 22, 2017
My grandpa asked me if I wanted a quarter pounder from McDonalds and this is what I got…. wtf man pic.twitter.com/qQ69wvzKLG
— grace treat (@gracetreat_) June 22, 2017
timely reminder that i once won 80,000 skittles by price-is-righting a guy on twitter. pic.twitter.com/TqpoNhFnqH
— bobby (@bobby) September 20, 2016
no true genius is appreciated in their time pic.twitter.com/iM2PAkHUVw
— Colley (@JamColley) June 22, 2017
(banging on car window of girl in parking lot putting on makeup); you don’t need that. You’re beautiful naturally. (Trying to open door)
— Pal (@unsuiii) June 21, 2017
If your friends don’t leave comments on ur pics like dis, they not your friends pic.twitter.com/nk13PMSHuZ
— Lil Scrappy (@ayahnaaragon) June 21, 2017
