This Week’s 20 Funniest Tweets 5-26-17

Header Photo: LEON NEAL/AFP (Getty) / Steven W. Skinner (Twitter)

Another week, another batch of the funniest tweets collected for your viewing pleasure. Give them a read, and remember to follow these fine folks on Twitter. They’re not just putting their hilarious thoughts out there for their health, after all. Plus, if you’re just going to wind up repeating these jokes to your friends later and passing them off as your own, the least you can do is throw a little admiration their way. It’s only fair.

Follow @robfee on Twitter.

Funny Tweets 5-26-17

“why are you on twitter so much” pic.twitter.com/HZIvhrnMxT

— Goth Ms. Frizzle (@spookperson) February 27, 2017

What if the Ant eaters go extinct?
Will I have to eat all the ants?
I don’t even like ants
Someone please answer me
I could maybe eat 1?

— Bear Knee Sanders (@LeBearGirdle) May 31, 2015

I’m bouta break this bitch ankles pic.twitter.com/f5m6t7Jzcf

— young dagger dick (@killmemoe) April 24, 2017

life comes at you fast pic.twitter.com/Y9Qe1wcLt5

— Stonepa (@Stonepa11) May 1, 2017

the two genders pic.twitter.com/lnJ0B3sNXZ

— Alex Temple (@alextemplemusic) April 21, 2017

So we’re just done making castles?

— Nick Ross (@NickBossRoss) January 28, 2014

I’m not sure Disney has got a grasp on the concept of pirates. … pic.twitter.com/aJsTFa49hj

— You Had One Job (@_youhadonejob1) May 22, 2017

I’m having lunch with my mom today. I can’t wait to hear how tired and unmarried I look.

— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) March 4, 2017

When it hasn’t been your day, your week, your month or even your year pic.twitter.com/6goraR8T6M

— A (@Amlx_o) May 2, 2017

i’m torn between getting my own personal jesus or getting a large jesus to share with the whole table

— rachelle mandik (@rachelle_mandik) May 22, 2017

pic.twitter.com/N8cn3wtK5L

— Boah (@zboah) May 3, 2017

Two raccoons reach into a moonlit bag of trash. A moment! Their paws meet. They lock eyes. They hiss and scratch the shit out of each other.

— madds (@whatmaddness) May 21, 2017

All the Pringle ladies
All the Pringle ladies
All the Pringle ladies
All the Pringle ladies

Get their hands stuck

— Tilly (@tillygirl3) May 1, 2017

If you must imagine an otter wearing a lil top hat, AT LEAST add a pretend chin strap so he doesn’t lose it in the ocean

— Mave (@MavenofHonor) March 9, 2017

whenever I type “I’m” my phone just inserts “sorry” or “hungry” cause that’s all I ever am

— Fuzzlime (@fuzzlime) February 19, 2016

This child at my job has been acting up all day so I told him I’m a witch and he said prove it so I pulled my wig off. He almost passed out.

— Beyoncé Jr. (@Railynnnn) April 25, 2017

If you’ve seen one lion attack you’ve seen a maul

— Steven W Skinner (@SkinnerSteven) January 4, 2017

my parents invited all their friends & family to a costume party then when people got there they found out it was actually their wedding pic.twitter.com/rck6JUwkY3

— lexie (@lexie_roessler) October 31, 2016

God: Basically u just chill.
Cow: Nice.
God: I mean, at first.
Cow: …then?
God: Then people murder u to eat ur insides & wear u as a coat.

— Bread Savage (@papasuncle) September 10, 2016