Another week, another batch of the funniest tweets compiled for your viewing pleasure. Be sure to follow these guys and gals, and check back here every week for more jokes you can tell your friends and pretend you came up with yourself. They’ll think you’re hilarious, but inside you’ll be cold and dead.
Follow @robfee on Twitter.
Funny Tweets 12-23-16
Hold Up, Hold Up, Hold Up let me speed up and get another look at that/ What The… Way to go. Nice work. pic.twitter.com/RPAi3DMg5W
— John Baxter (@CoachJohnBaxter) December 17, 2016
.@ASOS_HeretoHelp got my jeans from y’all today. Is this a joke?? These are NOT 32/32 jeans. I placed 32/32s next to them for reference pic.twitter.com/A6CVaJRPHG
— Micah Berteau (@MicahBerteau) December 14, 2016
why so many ppl call me ugly like i was the one who made me? stop complaining to the food about the food. talk to the chef
— g (@thugtear) October 30, 2016
this display is what the song “sex and candy” was written about pic.twitter.com/5lXtfiNvAY
— everett byram (@rad_milk) December 17, 2016
beware diet advice that recommends “eating light,” for that is most certainly the way you become a black hole
— sleigh-chelle mandik (@rachelle_mandik) May 19, 2016
I know the Cubs won the World Series by winning the last three straight games but remove those games, and Cleveland is world champs. pic.twitter.com/bRk5uGPIuR
— Rhea Butcher (@RheaButcher) December 18, 2016
my coworker boohoo crying. i was like whats wrong?! she was like i miss my ex. i said fuck him. she said girl he died…….nigga…..
— candy lady (@freakyTAI) August 22, 2016
putting a sweater on your dog?? lol what’s next, another harmless thing that only bothers me because i’m lonely
— Hippo (@InternetHippo) December 15, 2016
Ivanka Trump always looks like she told someone that she’s seen a film that she actually hasn’t and now they’re quoting lines at her pic.twitter.com/hrwsy0zbjy
— bort (@illumin4ughty) December 16, 2016
Darren Rovell tweets are like seeing someone doing a 360 windmill dunk into their own goal.
— Brandon McCarthy (@BMcCarthy32) December 19, 2016
Hey. pic.twitter.com/X1NEapmwOT
— Brian Altano (@agentbizzle) December 16, 2016
attach the growth serum respirator to your husband to return him to normal size pic.twitter.com/qRrxToHTIL
— shrimp eating mammal (@walruslifestyle) May 19, 2016
Those are some important stats… pic.twitter.com/4Lymg68BDY
— Fake SportsCenter (@FakeSportsCentr) December 11, 2016
WIFE: Why do you waste money on useless things?
ME: [scraping the S and H off the side of my new School Bus] Maybe useless to you Sharon
— penjamin. (@upsidedowntrash) November 12, 2016
vox, could you please explain the electoral college to me? but please keep in mind that i am a dumb worthless idiot pic.twitter.com/QAuSNVUgUp
— Sam Fishell (@SamFishell) December 16, 2016
“Ms Cyrus, do you recognize this knife?”
Miley: *noddin her head like yeah*
Lawyer: let the record show she’s also movin her hips like yeah— brian essbe (@SortaBad) December 14, 2016
smh they took this photo just as the deer read the end of that tweet https://t.co/FIgbUncfHP
— Desus Nice (@desusnice) December 15, 2016
what kind of a sicko pic.twitter.com/OXUCfO08uT
— Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) December 19, 2016
to the deplorable who mailed me a thermos of warm water with instructions to dip my hand in it while sleeping; congrats. my bed is ruined.
— Ceej (@ceejoyner) December 16, 2016
Funny. Skip Bayless forgot to switch accounts praising himself on a Facebook Live stream pic.twitter.com/WJ22Neleix
— Ollie Connolly (@OllieConnolly) December 19, 2016
