This Week's 20 Funniest Tweets 12-2-16

Another week, another batch of the funniest tweets compiled for your viewing pleasure. Be sure to follow these guys and gals, and check back here every week for more jokes you can tell your friends and pretend you came up with yourself. They’ll think you’re hilarious, but inside you’ll be cold and dead.

Follow @robfee on Twitter.

Funny Tweets 12-2-16:

Amazon thinks my recent humidifier purchase was merely the inaugural move in a newfound hobby of humidifier collecting.

— Justin Shanes (@justinshanes) November 29, 2016

thanks pic.twitter.com/TSiTCW3MyE

— chuuch (@ch000ch) December 1, 2016

*listens to Mr. Brightside once* pic.twitter.com/4gNSitoIoJ

— Josh Woosley (@Joshwoos) November 30, 2016

YOU CAN’T BUY HOT POCKETS YOU CAN ONLY BUY COLD POCKETS YOU ARE EXPECTED SUPPLY THE HEAT YOURSELF DONT BELIEVE THE LIES.

— McC (@MattMcC1) November 25, 2016

No matter how goth you think you are, you aren’t Charlotte “I repaired my mourning shoes with the hair of my dead siblings” Bronte pic.twitter.com/qubNBZiDFq

— Sara (@bookwitchsara) November 30, 2016

[cat clinic]

CAT: I have insomnia

DR. CAT: How bad is it?

CAT: I haven’t slept in 20 minutes

DR. CAT: *is napping*

— Todd ‘Papi’ Carlos (@TheToddWilliams) November 19, 2016

McDonalds 1985

Boss: Playground ideas?

Divorced Hank:

A hot metal jail made from the head of a hamburger man

Boss: first of all I love it

— spacegirl incognito (@iamspacegirl) September 27, 2016

*wife wonders where I am*

*hears every musical snowman in the store start singing*

*knows where I am*

— Josh (@iwearaonesie) November 28, 2016

There is literally no way that the three little bears sitting on chairs in “Goodnight Moon” are not in a doomed couples counseling session. pic.twitter.com/MscSrytgh2

— Tim Carvell (@timcarvell) November 27, 2016

When you didn’t turn around to ” aye lil mama in the red” but your friend did. pic.twitter.com/WMpE9l76qu

— Shawncho Pablo (@KingShawn901) September 26, 2016

Marriage is basically a never ending competition to prove who is the most tired

— MF FairyPrincessSmoo (@Smooheed) October 18, 2016

me: I’m done bending over backwards for him.

him: hi

me: pic.twitter.com/hJqqQbyOxE

— C (@meanboysclub) November 27, 2016

I feel like Target is now marketing exclusively to drunk uncles pic.twitter.com/LsWgOFq1tX

— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) November 29, 2016

Waiter: *grating cheese* say when

Me:

Me:

Me:

Waiter: Sir that was the entire block of cheese

Me: *leans in way too close* Go get another

— Snow (B)ice (@Pro_Jones_) June 15, 2016

I told my mom I went out and she deadass made a meme of herself. pic.twitter.com/5h4XPXxH3j

— tunechi tay (@Tayhannon) November 29, 2016

Should I call tech support or pray or what pic.twitter.com/8l3UxvnWud

— Yael (@elle91) December 20, 2014

when you are at taco bell and you see that sour cream gun pic.twitter.com/j5EET0fp4V

— teen santa (@HumanPog) December 1, 2016

kids: mother, please, stop this. We’re begging you.

Chewbacca mom: [into camera] the nutcracker CRACKS. NUTS. AGHHHHAHAHAHA

— Danny (@dundlewood) November 30, 2016

The in-between time spent waiting after ordering at the first drive thru window before getting to the second window is called burgatory

— Zack (@Mr_Kapowski) November 18, 2016