Another week, another batch of the funniest tweets compiled for your viewing pleasure. Be sure to follow these guys and gals, and check back here every week for more jokes you can tell your friends and pretend you came up with yourself. They’ll think you’re hilarious, but inside you’ll be cold and dead.
Follow @robfee on Twitter.
Funny Tweets 11-25-16:
If you’re his dealer @ me pic.twitter.com/wyUEYFpunt
— Framez (@FrameGangCo) November 21, 2016
I already tweeted this at friends but I’m still laughing so here it is again pic.twitter.com/x7iDj4RKAB
— do it for hoops (@canicuIa) November 21, 2016
SELFIE WITH THE MAILMAN FOR NOT BRINGING ME NO BILLS TODAY pic.twitter.com/sy0ofVc1Im
— …… (@ASAPYams) August 1, 2014
— rat (@cumtroversy) November 18, 2016
Jeez, the prequel to the X men looks like a snooze fest pic.twitter.com/IW1RI0H7WE
— It’s Abby. Yep. (@abbycohenwl) November 22, 2016
[texts a volcano]
You look mad. Are you mad at me?
— Noodles (@Dawn_M_) November 20, 2016
When people throw coins into the mall fountain blurt out your own wish it will override theirs & that’s how you get free wishes, baby
— Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) November 16, 2016
YALL I LOOKED THROUGH THE REFLECTION OF MY GLASS SLIDING DOOR AND I THOUGHT MY DOG WAS CHILLIN ON FIRE BUT IT WAS JUST THE FIRE PIT OUTSIDE pic.twitter.com/ekWDhCLV7e
— marisa (@mcampsss) November 15, 2016
age 16: if i dont start saying yes to things im going to be miserable
age 26: if i dont start saying no to things im going to be miserable
— jomny sun (@jonnysun) November 20, 2016
When your definitely not a cop pic.twitter.com/xSOthIhzt5
— PFTCommenter (@PFTCommenter) November 21, 2016
Then we’ll FUCK OUTSIDE BITCH pic.twitter.com/QwUaUhbtzH
— logan (@loganmoreno_) November 16, 2016
todd if you exclude the answer from the question maybe Cindy wouldn’t consistently dominate your pop quizzes pic.twitter.com/9oP02C0ANk
— Mike (@MikeOdenthal) September 3, 2016
— W E T S O C K (@SockWet) May 16, 2016
PIXAR EXEC: any new ideas?
IDEA PEOPLE:
PIXAR EXEC:
IDEA PEOPLE:
PIXAR EXEC :
JANITOR: Cars 3?
PIXAR EXEC: CARS 3!!!
— Eli (@wakeMeAWPinside) November 21, 2016
My son starts work Monday at Citibank pic.twitter.com/2YTOH9givY
— Michael (@Home_Halfway) July 24, 2016
What do we want?
EQUALITY!
When do we want it?
HONESTLY LIKE HUNDREDS OF YEARS AGO WOULD’VE BEEN COOL
— Lauren Brown (@LaurenBrownMD) April 17, 2016
I’m at Applebee’s eating dinner right now because my microwave is broken & I needed someone else to microwave my dinner for me.
— The Cultured Ruffian (@CulturedRuffian) September 2, 2016
me: wtf how am i getting life in prison for running over an eagle with my car
my lawyer: again, that was the Philadelphia Eagles mascot
— chuuch (@ch000ch) November 20, 2016
which part of the centaur carries the centaur babies is it the lady torso or the horse torso and why can’t I stop thinking about this
— spacegirl incognito (@iamspacegirl) November 22, 2016
Still learning how to use these pic.twitter.com/WmbDzHfyga
— ky (@scumpapi) November 20, 2016
