This Week's 20 Funniest Tweets

Another week, another batch of the funniest tweets compiled for your viewing pleasure. Be sure to follow these guys and gals, and check back here every week for more jokes you can tell your friends and pretend you came up with yourself. They’ll think you’re hilarious, but inside you’ll be cold and dead.

Follow @robfee on Twitter.

So today I was lookin at a girl bcuz she had a piece of lettuce in her hair & she looks at me and said “I have a boyfriend” ok lettuce head

— Benton C. Olson (@Bentono10) September 14, 2016

2002 was weird

kelly rowland texted her boyfriend via microsoft excel and got mad because he didn’t text back. pic.twitter.com/hIhEFMGTef

— DADDY AF (@dubvercetti) September 17, 2016

Israel’s 9/11 memorial is the only 9/11 memorial that brags about how it’s better than other 9/11 memorials. pic.twitter.com/Q4Zu6RYeKU

— Phan Nguyen (@Phan_N) September 11, 2016

Aye some random email keep facetiming me. I answer and it’s this shit. How tf and who tf is this . pic.twitter.com/XYOrL5JMWy

— September Alsina (@ohmybaaad) September 14, 2016

This is the scariest thing I’ve ever read pic.twitter.com/On0vmPIifW

— Peyton (@proheauxe) September 12, 2016

That’s unreal!!!! If you tweet your phone number, twitter automatically blocks out the last 4 digits…

516-567-****

— Black Jack Bauer (@NY_Wiseass) September 15, 2016

What your girls Instagram comments look like in real life. pic.twitter.com/wAYnlrNScs

— Karlous with a K (@KarlousM) September 16, 2016

HE DID NOT.. Call off his engagement on Instagram.. FAM! pic.twitter.com/16ACO6YeDp

— Maine (@bluprint_4) September 11, 2016

When you just get engaged but Beyoncé is still the most important person in your life. pic.twitter.com/icTgjYQvt5

— Alex Parrish (@WhyNya) September 11, 2016

If you are better off than me, you have had everything handed to you. If you are worse off than me, you are a poor and stupid dumbass idiot

— Dick B. Limp (@danchovy) June 8, 2016

When you ask a 1st grade class to write letters to people in a nursing home… pic.twitter.com/g2yEaoR6IF

— Anna (@annaszpalik14) September 10, 2016

I shall never recover from this. RT @Angrymann: I forgot to show y’all what my homegirl daughter wrote in her diary pic.twitter.com/EKtSmt4npX

— R. (@_Rickeh) September 12, 2016

Sometimes when I look in the mirror I think “okay. I’m this.”

— kelsey darragh (@kelseydarragh) September 18, 2016

So he lied? https://t.co/sgmx9XF43h

— bye (@noraswag) September 16, 2016

Ah yes, the classic Norman Rockwell painting “Being A Woman On The Internet” (1959) pic.twitter.com/2Ds8Cqyudi

— Erin Ruberry (@erinruberry) September 17, 2016

My boy @mcuban is ready to risk it all #MissAmerica pic.twitter.com/vVWf4OoWVy

— FuckThatFlag (@latry) September 12, 2016

pic.twitter.com/95tIwQzjfB

— ShitpostBot 5000 (@ShitpostBot5000) September 18, 2016

Why did Hillary have to release her health information when I know Donald Trump looks like poured Velveeta under his suits

— MonsterKing (@CerromeRussell) September 14, 2016