This Week's 20 Funniest Tweets

Another week, another batch of the most hilarious tweets, compiled just for you. Be sure to follow these guys and gals, and check back here every week for more jokes you can tell your friends and pretend you came up with them. They’ll think you’re hilarious, but inside you’ll be cold and dead.

Follow @robfee on Twitter.

[creation of insects]

LIGHTNING BUG: I will illuminate the night

BEE: I will pollinate flowers

FLY: I will eat shit and die

— The Hype (@TheHyyyype) May 31, 2016

Starting to think Soulja Boy didn’t actually serve time in the military

— Sage Boggs (@sageboggs) June 2, 2016

That boy lil Nicki from Fresh Prince grew up to look like every UPS driver ever pic.twitter.com/CfDRLzFn6w

— Future Millionaire (@FunnyMaine) June 3, 2016

we’re all out of ultrasound jelly i hope grape is ok

— dan chamberlain (@amfmpm) June 1, 2016

The perils of not knowing your art. pic.twitter.com/dXsouRpkXs

— (((Helen Ayres))) (@Raphaelite_Girl) June 4, 2016

Invest in my startup, Strangr. We send a stranger to your location. What happens after that is up to you. You’re gonna hate it.

— Hippo (@InternetHippo) June 3, 2016

I thought these were loaves of bread and I got very confused but also excited pic.twitter.com/spYubLLB6z

— Christine Sydelko (@csydelko) June 5, 2016

[getting owned by a group of teens]

ME: listen dudes, you should respect your elders

TEEN: suck my dick

ME: i won’t. i will not do that

— lil jon lovitz (@nbadag) May 29, 2016

If only there was a visual metaphor for how well 2016 seems to be going so far. pic.twitter.com/hzfdgrNadL

— Kashana (@kashanacauley) May 30, 2016

*throws my life away* Kobe

— an pigeon,, (@imskytrash) June 3, 2016

My greatest high school achievement pic.twitter.com/wcTqhqMggg

— leonardo semma (@LeonardoSemma) June 5, 2016

“Damn, RIP Ali. Legend.” – guy who thinks Cam Newton needs to tone it down and wishes LeBron would never speak out on anything except sports

— Justin Morissette (@JustinMoris) June 4, 2016

couldn’t decide what art to put in my living room so i hung up a picture of the living room pic.twitter.com/tlwpIzlo7o

— rob whisman (@robwhisman) June 3, 2016

youve never plowed a U Haul 60 ft into the lobby of a marriott inn, killing a bellhop? guess youre a perfect driver who never makes mistakes

— Mike F (@mikefossey) June 2, 2016

Trump is the perfect candidate for American guys who secretly believe they could come out of the stands and score a touchdown

— Musky Lozenge™ (@LostCatDog) June 1, 2016

Uber, but for having desperate human beings locked in cages because they slightly inconvenienced you for a second. pic.twitter.com/JCdj9SJxfE

— Ryan J. Reilly (@ryanjreilly) June 3, 2016

I just want a guy that will hold my hair back while I light things on fire.

— denise (@Stellacopter) February 10, 2015

Spanish: The h is silent

English: Many letters can be silent

French: All letters are meaningless, every living thing is born without reason

— Magark (@markedly) May 13, 2016