Another week, another batch of the most hilarious tweets, compiled just for you. Be sure to follow these guys and gals, and check back here every week for more jokes you can tell your friends and pretend you came up with them. They’ll think you’re hilarious, but inside you’ll be cold and dead.
Follow @robfee on Twitter.
“Can you delete that photo of me? It looks EXACTLY the way I look in real life.”
-People
— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) February 29, 2016
Back in LA who wants to make plans & cancel them & talk about rescheduling but never do then just like each other’s FB post to keep it cool
— AmberTozer (@AmberTozer) February 29, 2016
Eddie Redmayne looks like the offspring of a Hollister model and a Scream mask
— Brandon McCarthy (@BMcCarthy32) February 29, 2016
lmao pic.twitter.com/5qOJwiKGnQ
— rob whisman (@robwhisman) February 27, 2016
— pat tobin (@tastefactory) February 26, 2016
Tired of rap songs starting with MC going “uhuh uhuh…One two one two…Let’s do this…” No. You shoulda been ready when the song started.
— MKupperman (@MKupperman) February 26, 2016
Tbt to when my fish that lived for 3 years died and I didn’t have a picture with it so I made my mom take one pic.twitter.com/grA0FYFcRH
— Ciara (@ciaraa00) February 25, 2016
some random dude just came up to my friend and i and asked us to heat up his honey bun… we gotchu fam pic.twitter.com/g5M1l3EPNK
— ash (@ashleyakyol) February 24, 2016
Instead of new Facebook reaction emojis how about they just not give our information to advertisers and the government
— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) February 24, 2016
I don’t know if I would want to be accused of being a witch. That said, I wouldn’t mind being thrown in a pond to drown
— Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w) February 23, 2016
Bernie looks like the guy in disaster movies who knows whats coming but no one listens to cause his hair bad and he keep dropping his papers
— shut up, mike (@shutupmikeginn) December 24, 2015
It’s all kicking off in the Thomas the Tank Engine reactions community. pic.twitter.com/zC7eUrssKn
— MT PAGE (@theemptypage_) February 22, 2016
Zoolander 2 was like watching your dad get his ass beat for a long time
— L-Boy (@TheMustacheMan) February 18, 2016
[2060]
Son: I’ll never get over her.
Dad: Son, there are plenty of other baes in the squad.
Son: [smiling through tears] You’re right fam— james nielssen (@cool_as_heck) February 17, 2016
Female OKC Thunder fan: “JUST SUCK IT UP, LEBRON!” pic.twitter.com/NTWAlM4e1J
— Ben Golliver (@BenGolliver) February 21, 2016
JEB BUSH: May I come in?
GINNY WEASLEY: Of course.
MONICA GELLAR: Welcome to People Less Popular Than Their Objectively Worse Brother Club.— Jamie Woodham (@jwoodham) February 21, 2016
LADIES get u a man who can do both
>picture of me wearing a shirt in the pool
>picture of me wearing a shirt in the shower— Conor Tripler (@ConorTripler) February 22, 2016
Jobs that sound way cooler if you have no idea what they are:
-bouncer
-branch manager
-sports anchor
-web master
-boom operator— Sharla Tsweb (@eye_spyder) January 30, 2016
Johnny Depp takes on more ill-advised projects than a dad at Home Depot with something to prove.
— Ryan Nanni (@celebrityhottub) February 16, 2016
when you finish that third footlong meatball sub pic.twitter.com/GI4YIt70TW
— Subway WWExperience (@WWESubway) February 16, 2016
Want more? Check out last week’s hilarious tweets.
