Valentine’s Day is a great time to show your significant other how much they truly mean to you. Also it’s a perfect opportunity to wallow in the sadness of being alone or to remind yourself of how much you hate your ex. Thankfully, Twitter doesn’t take a day off (including Valentine’s Day), so here are 20 of the funniest tweets about the most loving day of the year.
Valentine’s Day really separates the men from the boys, and then separates me from both of them in a third location
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) February 15, 2015
Gearing up for yet another Valentine’s night of complete & total romance pic.twitter.com/wXu3i1qGRI
— Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w) February 15, 2015
Wow, look at the Edible Arrangement I got for Valentine’s day. So beautiful pic.twitter.com/sTAOyyj0OL
— Cool Eric (@OBiiieeee) February 14, 2015
Hope everyone who uses the word “bae” has a terrible Valentine’s Dae
— Gloria Fallon (@GloriaFallon123) February 14, 2015
Roses are red and time is money,
just be grateful I’m texting you, honey.
— braden graeber (@hipstermermaid) February 15, 2015
Roses are dumb, violets are stupid, you can buy me all the frozen yogurt you want, but I’ll never call you dad. Stop dating my mom, Jerry.
— Rob Fee (@robfee) February 14, 2015
Every Valentine’s Day card in history was signed on the dashboard on a car in a Walgreen’s parking lot.
— Bill Dixon (@BillDixonish) February 3, 2016
Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
My high school boyfriend cheated on me.
Now I have trust issues. Thanks, Brian.— caprice crane (@capricecrane) February 14, 2015
Every year
Me: Will you be my valentine?
Her: pic.twitter.com/KVt6MCRMaq
— PapeяWash© (@PaperWash) February 14, 2015
Aww, my Valentine* brought me a gift**
*pizza guy
**pizza that I paid for— Patrick Monahan (@pattymo) February 14, 2015
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Once I was 69ing with a guy and he had toilet paper stuck in his ass— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) February 14, 2015
Goth Valentine Gift ideas:
1) Red Veil
2) Dark Chocolate
3) The Dark Crystal on VHS
4) A raven in a dead tree
5) The rain— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) February 3, 2016
love, actually
2 love 2 actually
love actually: valentine’s day drift
love & actually
love 5
love & actually 6
actually 7— adam (@burgerkrang) April 26, 2015
Being alone on pancake day is far worse than being alone on Valentine’s day because nothing is sadder than flipping a pancake in silence.
— Adam Hess (@adamhess1) February 17, 2015
roses are red
oranges are orange
poems don’t have to
rhyme, karen— dan mentos (@DanMentos) February 14, 2015
don’t be sad you’re alone on Valentine’s Day, be sad that you’re alone every day!
— Josh Hara (@yoyoha) February 14, 2015
Fun Valentine’s Day Tip: For the cost of a dozen red roses, you could get a pitcher of beer and a dozen wings. Prob even pay for parking too
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) February 4, 2016
me: happy valentine’s day jaden
jaden smith: the more time we spend awake the more time we spend asleep
me: the hell does that even mean
— EJ Gomez (@EJGomez) February 15, 2015
Being single on Valentine’s Day is pretty much what Al Gore feels like on Presidents Day
— Handsome Tweet Guy (@SortaBad) February 16, 2015
Roses are red
violets are blue
celery is green
bees are black and yellow
please help me I can’t stop
pumpkins are orange
satan is vermillion— Elle Oh Hell (@ElleOhHell) February 14, 2015
