Some Maryland Douche Bit Off A Woman’s Finger At Jimmy John’s

February 9, 2016

Photo: Gilbert Carrasquillo (Getty)

What, did they run out of turkey?

According to Fox 5, a 26-year-old Lothian man was arrested at an Annapolis Jimmy John’s early Sunday morning after a brawl resulted in a woman losing the tip of a finger because he…wait for it…bit it off.

Police said Justin Brown got into an altercation with the woman’s friend shortly after 2 a.m. Sunday morning, and when the woman went to break up the fight, Brown decided to forego his delicious Jimmy John’s sandwich and chow down on the tip of her left ring finger instead.

The woman was transported to a nearby hospital by the fire department at about the same time Brown was found by police behind the store with blood on his face and shirt. He was later booked on charges of assault and disorderly conduct.

Surprisingly, there is no crime against letting a perfectly good Jimmy John’s sandwich go to waste, and that, my friends, just might be the biggest tragedy of this story.

Suddenly, losing a fingertip doesn’t sound so bad: Indian Woman Bites Off Husband’s Balls Because He Cooked His Own Food

Tommy Gimler is a stand-up comedian, musician, writer, emcee and all-around good guy. He has worked hundreds of stages across the country, including those at The Laugh Factory, The World Famous Comedy Store and dozens of Improvs.

Tommy has had the pleasure of emceeing events for amazing clients such as Budweiser, Mitsubishi, Chase, Discovery, Animal Planet in front of thousands of people at events like the Super Bowl, X Games, U.S. Open, Little League World Series.