Wannabe Florida Thief Passes Out On Couch After Chowing On Wings And Beer

July 31, 2015

Wait, did he rob a Hooters?

According to the Daily Mail, the Palm Beach County Sheriff’s Office arrested a 22-year-old dipshit earlier this week who was passed out on a couch in the house he was robbing after he indulged on the home owners’ stash of chicken wings and beer.

Police said they received a call from a Lake Worth family Monday night after they returned home and found Jacob Miller fast asleep on their couch along with a crap heap of chicken bones and beer bottles on their kitchen floor.

When officers arrived on the scene, Miller told them he was in the house because he “needed a place to stay.” But a subsequent search of his pockets turned up jewelry that belonged to the family, so they arrested him and charged him with burglary and theft, which to us seems rather redundant.

Almost as redundant as stories like this coming out the state of Florida.

Here’s another idiot: Guy Passes Out on Plane After Wearing All His Clothes to Avoid Luggage Fee

Tommy Gimler is a stand-up comedian, musician, writer, emcee and all-around good guy. He has worked hundreds of stages across the country, including those at The Laugh Factory, The World Famous Comedy Store and dozens of Improvs.

Tommy has had the pleasure of emceeing events for amazing clients such as Budweiser, Mitsubishi, Chase, Discovery, Animal Planet in front of thousands of people at events like the Super Bowl, X Games, U.S. Open, Little League World Series.