Being single is one of those glass half full, half empty scenarios. Except instead of looking at it as half empty, you see it as terrible abyss of sorrow slowly evaporating along with all of your hopes and dreams of being happy. If it’s half full, it’s a blast! No matter which side of the equation you’re on, odds are you’ll enjoy these hilarious tweets explaining what it’s truly like to be a single person.
Probs the worst is when someone dates you & then gets back with their ex cause they tried something new but the old shitty option was better
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) January 2, 2015
so if i spend my time eating cheese, watching Netflix, n having orgasms alone, i’m ‘depressed’, but if someone else is there i’m ‘in love’ ?
— Barbara Gray (@BabsGray) March 28, 2014
Just heard someone bragging about his one night stand. Whatever mate, I’ve got two night stands. Either side of my bed.
— Rhys James (@rhysjamesy) May 6, 2014
Cop: anything in your pockets that might hurt me? “Nah” *cop pulls out a pic of his ex GF and suspect* Cop: *wiping tears* I’m over it
— PapeяWash© (@PaperWash) October 27, 2014
Being 30 and single is like being at a petting zoo that just has tarantulas and feral cats.
— Matt Fernandez (@FattMernandez) May 21, 2015
him: your single? why? me: you’re*
— Dani Fernandez (@msdanifernandez) May 3, 2015
Love is never having to say you’re sorry. Being single is never having to say you’re sorry for sleeping diagonally.
— Ella Cerón (@ellaceron) May 9, 2015
Gather ’round you single losers so I can throw my used flowers at you -Brides
— Randi Lawson (@RandiLawson) May 1, 2015
*gets into a relationship* This is bad *becomes single* Hmm this is bad too *looks in a mirror* Oh I see the problem now
— Nice Hippo (@NicestHippo) May 26, 2015
If you want to meet the love of your life just date me for about six weeks and immediately afterwards you will find your bliss
— elan gale (@theyearofelan) May 25, 2015
Single and ready to spontaneously combust.
— Chris Worthington (@SomeChrisTweets) May 2, 2015
Between the hours of 12 to 2 am, you’re legally required to miss someone who is toxic for you.
— Trevor S (@trevso_electric) October 16, 2014
Sometimes I wonder if I’m pregnant and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant
— Mary Kobayashi (@MaryKoCo) November 5, 2012
5 stages of being single: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, texting your ex something random then going like “sorry wrong message”
— Mae (@mzeld) January 10, 2015
Being the only single person at an event is fun cuz you can act real weird & give all the couples something to not fight abt on the way home
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) December 28, 2014
The worst part of being single is that at some point you are going to have to get to know another person
— Jake Weisman (@weismanjake) October 22, 2014
Being single is the best. So much time to do what you want. Think and reflect. Stare into the void and try to remember what touch felt like.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 26, 2014
I’m pretty chill about being single right up until my wiper blades need replacing.
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) June 6, 2014
Whenever I’m single it seems like everyone I know is in a fake relationship built on lies and deceit and horrible sex.
— Matt Monroe (@heymonroe) April 23, 2015
My Instagram has become a slideshow of why I’m single.
— Nick Ross (@NickBossRoss) April 7, 2015
So single that I’m starting a recycling program- dudes from years ago are back in my life. Super environmental.
— Laura (@LauraLikesWine) April 17, 2015
