Have you ever had a fast food drive-thru experience that went perfect with no confusion or mishaps whatsoever? Of course not. It’s not all the employees fault; they’re trying to hear your confused and slurred order through a walkie talkie in a crowded dining room, so the environment is as much to blame. No matter if you eat a lot of fast food, or you have an occasional cheat day, you’ve definitely had this conversation at some point.
Drive-Thru: Welcome to (every restaurant ever). Would you like to try our new Bulgarian Salmon Wraps?
You: Uh no thanks. Can I get-
Drive-Thru: I’ll be with you in one moment, sir.
You: Oh…sorry.
(2 to 4 minutes later)
Drive-Thru: Go ahead with your order
You: Yeah can I just get a cheeseburger with no pickles, a 5-piece chicken nugget, and a medium French fry?
Drive-Thru: Would you like to make that a large fry for only $1 more?
You: No thanks. I don’t want that many fries.
Drive-Thru: Would you like to make it a trash bag full of fries for only $3 more?
You: Uh no thanks. Just the medium is fine.
Drive-Thru: Would you like to add a drink and make it a combo for only $2 more?
You: Oh no thanks. I already have a drink, but I appreciate it.
Drive-Thru: Would you like to add an order of Bulgarian Salmon Wraps as well?
You: No. No, I wouldn’t. I just want the cheeseburger with no pickles, 5-piece nugget, and a medium fry.
Drive-Thru: OK, so that was a vanilla milkshake, six apple pies, and a used basketball?
You: What? No. None of that. And did you say a used basketball?
Drive-Thru: Oh, so two used basketballs?
You: No. No basketballs. Why would I order a us- nevermind. I just want a cheeseburger with no pickles, 5-piece nugget, and a medium fry.
Drive-Thru: That’ll be $19.76 please pull around.
You: Yeah, there’s no way that total is right. Are you sure you got my order?
Drive-Thru: Just pull around, sir. Thank you.
(You pull to the first window and no one comes by for several minutes. Eventually the person at the second window waves you forward and looks at you like you’re an idiot for stopping at the window that’s labeled STOP HERE TO PAY. Why does that window even exist?)
You: Do you need me to repeat that order?
Drive-Thru: No, I think I got it. That’ll be $19.76
You: That seems really high. Can you just read me back the order?
Drive-Thru: Sure. A bag of grapes, an iPod shuffle, some cornbread, and an order of Bulgarian Salmon Wraps.
You: Literally none of that is correct. I just want a cheeseburger with no pickles, 5-piece nugget, and a medium fry.
Drive-Thru: Oh sorry. Your total is $5.14.
You: Perfect!
(You hand the employee your card and pay for the food)
You: Can I get honey mustard for the nuggets?
(They hand you a tiny thimble with enough sauce for maybe one nugget)
You: Oh, can I get a couple more packets of sauce?
Drive-Thru: Actually you only get one packet of sauce with your order. Each additional packet is 36 cents.
(You only have your card. There’s never any change in your console at this point)
You: I don’t have any change on me. (You say this hoping they’ll just give you one of them, but that doesn’t happen.)
Drive-Thru: I can run your card again if you want.
You: I have to put 36 cents on my card for honey mustard?
Drive-Thru: I also forgot to charge you for the extra pickles.
You: Wait, I said no pickles.
Drive-Thru: No, you said extra pickles.
You: I hate pickles. There’s no way I said extra pickles because I always order my food with no pickles.
Drive-Thru: Sir, I think I know what you said.
You: You also thought I ordered a basketball and some sort of salmon wrap. This is a 99 cent burger place. Why would I ever order salmon here?
Drive-Thru: So, you want me to add the salmon wraps?
You: No. No, I do not. I don’t want the salmon wraps.
(You try to keep talking, but the guy behind you is revving up his giant truck like he’s going to intimidate you into abandoning your meal, or something)
Drive-Thru: This is to go, right?
You: What? I’m in my car right now, talking to you through a window.
Drive-Thru: It’ll be just a few minutes on your chicken nuggets.
You: Do you know about how long?
Drive-Thru: (To someone that is apparently very far away in the back of the kitchen) HEY CRAIG! HOW LONG IS IT GONNA BE UNTIL THOSE NUGGETS ARE DONE?
Craig: I don’t know! I wasn’t even supposed to work tonight, but Crystal called in AGAIN, and so Evan told me I had to cover her shift. I’m fed up with this place and people getting special treatment. If he calls me on my day off again I’m quitting. I swear to god!
Drive-Thru: (To Craig) She did the same thing to me last month and I checked on her Facebook and it said she was at her cousin’s house. How are you at your cousin’s house when you’re supposed to be going to the doctor with a sprained ankle? I tell you what, if she thinks for one seco-
You: I’m sorry, do you have any sort of guess when those nuggets will be done?
(After a few minutes of sheer agony, your order comes out)
You: Oh thanks. Wait, there’s no honey mustard in there.
Drive-Thru: Oh we’re out of honey mustard. Have a good day!
You: I think I’ll eat this, and then drive my car into a ravine. Thank you.
