If your parents are still giving you crap about your C-minus in Physics 101 last semester, here’s a story that should get them off your back.
According to
, an 18-year-old student at Colorado State University stole an ambulance last weekend, crashed it on a state highway and eventually masturbated in front of police officers after he was detained.
Stefan Sortland told police he took molly and cocaine at a Halloween concert before he stole an ambulance from an EMS crew that was on campus treating an “intoxicated student for seizures.” He then took it on a joyride down Highway 34, where police found it in the middle of the road with “several doors open, heavy front-end damage and fluid leaking.”
Police used a stun gun on Sortland, who was standing about 30 yards away, wearing an EMS vest with a “blanket, a cell phone and a box of Wheat Thins” on him, when he refused their commands. Upon his arrival to Loveland Police Department, Sortland closed out his performance by masturbating inside the station and telling police his “friends/roommates were dead, in heaven, and had committed suicide.”
No word if the Wheat Thins belonged to Sortland or some super-pissed-off EMS worker.
Here’s another guy who will never be a senator: Drunk Man Crashes Into Restaurant Then Gets Out and Masturbates
