Emily Yoffe is known by her followers at Slate as “Dear Prudence,” and she does a weekly online chat to help them get through everyday issues attached to parenting and workplace behavior among others.
Odds are it will be a while before she is asked to chime in on a problem as entertaining as this:
Q. My Son Can’t Keep His Hands Off Himself: I am a single mother with a 14-year-old son. I knew this time was coming but now I fear I am close to my wit’s end. I have seen evidence in his bedroom, the laundry room, and the kitchen. Things escalated last week when his hockey coach called me in for a conference. I have noticed my son has been taking a lot of penalties this season. It turns out he has been intentionally going to the penalty box to pleasure himself. I lashed out at him when about this and things have been awkward around the house this weekend. Am I overreacting?
Oh, so that’s where he got ringworm.
This one might have been too much for even Yoffe to handle, as her response basically told the woman to watch a few movies that addressed teens jerking off. She also didn’t want to know the details behind what her son is doing to the groceries, and quite frankly, neither do we.
Whatever happened to the good old days when parents would just tell their kids they would go blind? It worked for my parents.
When he gets older, he’ll learn that bargain prices are pretty damn hot: Oklahoma Man Arrested After Masturbating in Walmart
