Look, I get excited when I find an ATM that doesn’t charge me four bucks per transaction, but this is ridiculous.
According to WKRN, a Tennessee man was arrested Friday night at the Boro Bar and Grill in Murfreesboro after walking in and attempting to make love to an ATM.
Police said 49-year-old Lonnie Hutton dropped his pants and underwear, which we’ll assume were tighty-whities, showed everyone his twig and berries, and then attempted to have sexual intercourse with the ATM. When officers arrived on the scene, Hutton was still “nude from the waist down, walking around the bar, and thrusting his hips in the air.”
The officers escorted Hutton outside and told him to sit on a wooden picnic table. It must have been made of oak because Hutton again dropped his drawers and tried to plow the table, too.
Hutton was arrested and charged with public intoxication. He was briefly detained at the Rutherford County Jail and released on $250 bond.
In a related story, I no longer feel bad about the fat girl I tried to have sex with the last time I got hammered.
At least Hutton was wasted when he did this. Most of these perverts were sober: The Weirdest Objects People Have Had Sex With
