Some guys just can’t catch a break, but you’d think after spending a bunch of money on a nice meal, they could at least get fortune cookies that weren’t so damn honest and/or hurtful. If you’ve ever gotten an unfortunate fortune cookie that was way too telling, you might be able to relate.
Pigeon poop burns the retina for 13 hours. You will learn this the hard way.
You’re going to get fat and lose your hair.
You will die alone and poorly dressed.
(One for the ladies) I found your boyfriend on Craigslist. He wasn’t selling his pool table.
The end is near…and it’s all your fault.
The fortune you seek is in another cookie.
Will you marry me? (this is really weird coming from the waitress)
Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.
Life will be happy, until the end when you’ll pee yourself a lot.
For rectal use only.
No one reads your blog.
Your family isn’t done f***ing you up. Not by a long shot.
To release the toxic gas just break open this cookie.
You will kill Anton Strout in his sleep. You will.
That wasn’t chicken.
