Dude Has Sex With Hot Pocket

While many 18-year-olds in America are busy finalizing their plans for continuing their education at an institution of higher learning, others are plowing Hot Pockets. Take a guess which one we’re doing a story on.

A “man” who goes by the codename VERSACEPOCKETS has been banned from Twitter and Vine after posting pictures of himself going all the way with a ham and cheese Hot Pocket.

“I just thought it was so f–kin’ funny,” he told “First We Feast,” a website that – among other things – apparently interviews people who hump foods.

VERSACEPOCKETS told the website his goal for pounding Hot Pockets and then posting the pics online was to “f–k around and see what happens.”

Asked if he regretted putting his face out there, he reasoned, “I don’t really care. I haven’t gotten noticed in public yet. And I’m still young – I’m 18 – so, it’s not like I’m still going to look like this in three years.”

His advice for others looking to follow in his food-plowing ways?

“I tried doing it without a condom and it was just, like, way too hot. I was like, ‘Dude, I’m gonna have to use a condom if I’m gonna actually stick my dick in the whole Hot Pocket.'”

VERSACEPOCKETS has also gone balls deep with a Pop Tart.

(via First We Feast)

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