Well, I liked Winter’s Tale exactly twice as much as Bibbs. There’s the CraveOnline rating system in action for you. Admittedly, I saw Winter’s Tale after hearing how outrageously bad it was from the reviews of its theatrical release. I could go into it not seeking legitimate entertainment, but a fascinating failure. I could also keep myself entertained by tweeting while I was watching the film.
Amazingly, no matter how many spoilers you’ve read in the reviews, there are still more baffling moments in the movie. For me, only five minutes in and what the parents do with the baby on the boat had me checked out already. I mean, I get that it’s a Moses metaphor, but Moses wasn’t dumped off an ocean liner. The horse thing was pointed out to me by a tweep and actually made it more fun to count all the times Colin Farrell calls him, “Horse.” I mean, with all the convoluted mythology in this story, the movie couldn’t take the time to name the damn horse? It’s named Athansor in the Mark Helprin book, and a deleted scene on the Blu-ray bears his name also, but if it’s ever said in the film, I missed it.
Related: Winter’s Tale: Original Theatrical Review
I will go through the motions of a synopsis, as if that will have any bearing on the film or the review. So Peter Lake (Colin Farrell) is a street thief in 1916 who’s being hunted by Pearly (Russell Crowe). Peter breaks into Beverly (Jessica Brown Findlay)’s house and falls in love with her. But she is dying of a disease where she is always hot and just can’t cool down. So he’s dating a Universal Soldier.
I’m gonna stop before it even gets to the present, because there’s too much to discuss. The first time Peter is in trouble, the horse appears and Pearly growls, “He’s got the damn horse” as if the horse was something everybody knew about already. Beverly’s father (William Hurt) says that you pronounce the T in “fillet.” Does he pronounce the T in “valet” also? We’ll never know. They didn’t have valets in 1914.
This is a weird movie. I think Russell Crowe must be punking Akiva Goldsman. He must be thinking, “Let’s see if I can go this big before Akiva recasts me.” His performance must have had Nicolas Cage calling him to say, “Seriously, dude, reign it in.” Those sort of weird touches would probably make another film endearing. They’re a bit at odds with what I believe is a sincere magical romance tone, but they certainly keep Winter’s Tale interesting.
I actually really like the point of view this story has. The horse is magic because he can fly. I already knew about the big celebrity cameo, which reveals a lot about who Pearly is really working for, but I liked that interpretation of ultimate evil. There are consequences for Pearly as well. But the overall theme that every human gets one miracle, and the miracle isn’t the miracle you think it’s going to be. That’s heartwarming. It was a mistake to whittle that down to a series of MacGuffins, but if they could have sold the whimsical unreality better, nobody would’ve minded the magic greenhouse bed.
There is some fun stuff in the deleted scenes, including an underling reacting sensitively to one of Pearly’s threats, only it’s not a satire of villainous threats like it would be on “The Simpsons.” A scene surrounding the baby on the boat actually points out how crazy it is, so I’m glad they took it out because it would have robbed me of the absurd moment. An alternate ending is shockingly frightening for its whimsical tone.
It’s too bad Goldsman didn’t record a commentary track for this one. These things are usually done before the movie even comes out, so I doubt they knew at the time it would become something he had to defend. All we’ve got is a couple talking heads pieces that are too short to mean much, but I do appreciate Goldsman’s take on the fluidity of time in cinema. I agree we’re too literal in our interpretations of film reality, but his movie is just realistic enough that it’s not clear it’s not supposed to be. He also says New York is a character in the movie, and now that we’ve all seen They Came Together we know that’s bullshit. Goldsman says Athansor’s name, and the horse trainer says he’s a character in the film too. Well, that makes sense. Animals actually are characters, not set dressings.
Every once in a while I become fascinated with a movie that fails so spectacularly, it’s not so much an ironic appreciation but an admiration. I am obsessed with One from the Heart and I’m not saying that Goldsman has created a disaster on the level of Coppola’s bankruptcy-inducing art film, but the dichotomy between what Winter’s Tale wants to do and how it fails at doing it are fascinating. I’ve been thinking about it for days after watching it, which is probably more than most critics this February would’ve said. Damn, I’m going to end up watching this movie again, aren’t I?
Fred Topel is a staff writer at CraveOnline and the man behind Best Episode Ever and The Shelf Space Awards. Follow him on Twitter at @FredTopel.
