Witchcraft V: Dance with The Devil (Dir. Talan Hsu, 1993)
With Witchcraft V, though, we’re throwing all pretense to the wind. This is a movie that plays less like a largely-forgotten late-1980s Sunday afternoon supernatural cop show (as the previous films have), and more like straightforward porn. For large sections, the movie will just stop, and an extended sex scene will play out in its entirety. It’s like the extended showering scenes in the Brotherhood movies; there to pad the movie into feature length, intended to be titillating, but mostly just boring.
Witchcraft V is the sleaziest movie in the series so far. It has the lowest budget, the dumbest story, the worst acting, and the most graphic sex. It feels a lot like porn, but without the fun or the dignity. Porn, at the very least, has no pretense. I would rather watch Femalien 2 again than Witchcraft V. Er… I mean, I’ve never seen Femalien 2.
So Will Spanner is back, but is now played by softcore regular Marklen Kennedy (a.k.a. Jack Lincoln). Will is still struggling with his warlock powers, but is now a supporting character. The main character is an evil, cackling bad guy who sounds a lot like Jeremy Irons. This is Cain, played David Huffman, the only actor who seems to be having any fun. Cain (and they’re always named “Cain” or “Cane” or “Kane” or “Kaine” aren’t they?) is en evil wizard of some sort who manages to hypnotize Will early in the film, and use Will’s magic powers to kill others and get more magical thingamajigs to do an evil Satanic whatever.
There is also an unconnected subplot in all this involving a televangelist named Rev. Meredith (Lenny Rose). Meredith helps out an injured homeless man at the beginning of the film, and seems to be possessed by an evil or something. He begins to come on to his comely secretary (Kim Bolin) and they eventually end up having sex. She admits that she was always in love with him, but didn’t want to make a pass at a man of God. Was he possessed this whole time? Maybe. It just turns out that Meredith is now a more laidback and sexual fellow, and a better reverend because of it.
I am floundering. I am hurting. Where to go? Look! Up ahead! Land!
