Fans of the X-Men movie franchise have probably noticed a pattern emerging. You will have seen the evidence repeatedly, in X-Men, X2: X-Men United, X-Men: First Class, X-Men: Days of Future Past and now this weekend’s X-Men: Apocalypse. Every single movie in this 16-year-old series ends with the same promise: that next time you will finally get the movie you wanted in the first place.
X-Men ended with the team finally officially in place. X2 immediately split that team in multiple directions, but it ended with a tease for the popular Dark Phoenix Saga. Two bad movies later (X-Men: The Last Stand and X-Men Origins: Wolverine) we went back in time to see the X-Men come together for the first time, in X-Men: First Class. That movie ended with – you guessed it – the promise that the next film would be the real X-Men movie, the one with all the characters in place as opposed to just another origin story. And sure enough, X-Men: Days of Future Past turned out to be a time-traveling soft reboot that annihilated previous continuity in favor of setting up the next X-Men movie with a clean slate.
20th Century Fox
Also: ‘X-Men: Apocalypse’ Review | All-New, All-Indifferent
X-Men: Apocalypse now does basically the same thing, ending with a proper team of proper X-Men in their proper setting, but only in the last minute of the film. Fans of superhero movies keep complaining that we’ve seen enough of origin stories, but not enough people seem to have noticed that one of the pre-eminent superhero franchises has been trying to tell the exact same origin story for the better part of two decades.
And frankly, I’m sick of it. There’s a lot of good in these movies but the flaws have piled up so high that it’s impossible to ignore them. Great characters have been wasted, in some cases multiple times. The White Queen showed up as a teenager in the early 1980s in X-Men Origins: Wolverine, only to show up two decades earlier in X-Men: First Class (and played by an older actress no less). Psylocke was a teenager in the “near future” of the early 2000s, but now she’s a 35-year-old Olivia Munn in 1983 in X-Men: Apocalypse, a film that gives the fan favorite character almost no dialogue to speak of, and forces her to wear a skimpy leotard while the rest of Apocalypse’s crew gets to wear practical body armor.
20th Century Fox
Every time the filmmakers behind the franchise try to solve a problem, they end up creating new problems, and I think it’s time to admit that the reason is simple: the whole series was built on a shaky foundation to begin with. The first film came out in 2000, before the modern superhero movie genre had been formally tested with audiences. Nobody knew what would work, how many liberties you could take with the source material, and whether or not that many superheroes in a single movie would even fly with mainstream audiences who, 16 years ago, rarely seemed to even accept one at a time.
But X-Men came along and, to the film’s credit, did a lot of things right. The film was a superhero movie, yes, but also an undeniably strong allegory for relevant social issues. Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellan brought dramatic heft to a story that might have come across as silly othwerwise, imbuing their many, many ponderous speeches with an air of sinceirty. And Wolverine, one of the more unusual superhero success stories in comics (at the time, anyway), was perfectly performed by Hugh Jackman. It may be hard to remember now, but before the first movie came out that was the fanbase’s biggest concern. It seemed like too much to hope for that Wolverine would be done right on film.
20th Century Fox
But enough with the kudos, let’s admit the mistakes. While Wolverine, Professor X and Magneto were handled nearly perfectly, significant characters like Storm, Cyclops and Sabertooth got brushed under the rug or worse, screwed up altogether. The film abandoned the visual style of the comics, choosing a moody color palette and kinky leather over the familiar costumes, under the excuse that what worked in a comic could not possibly work on screen. (Even though, as we eventually learned in both First Class and Apocalypse, the old costumes looked better.)
Regardless, the X-Men movies deserve credit for being one of the first contemporary superhero franchises out of the gate, and a few freshman mistakes were probably inevitable. The real problems came as the series progressed. X-Men: The Last Stand killed off valuable characters with very little rhyme or reason, to name just a single problem with it, and that film – combined with the disappointing X-Men Origins – forced Fox to set X-Men: First Class back in a time period before all of those screw ups. Then, when First Class was a hit, they had to make a whole separate movie to retcon all of those future screw-ups out of existence. And now X-Men: Apocalypse STILL has to bat clean-up, and spend half the movie wrapping up old storylines so that the new storylines – the ones we wanted in the first place – could finally begin.
And if 20th Century Fox had just admitted to themselves, if nobody else, that their franchise was broken they could have rebooted it years ago, and it would have saved us all a lot of trouble. Each progressive X-Men movie tries to fix the old ones, while simultaneously trying to convince us that mistakes were never made and this was all some sort of brilliant plan.
20th Century Fox
The X-Men movies are fun but they have undeniable problems. Forcing new filmmakers to conform to all these old, outdated and sometimes simply unsuccessful storytelling ideas is shooting both them and the franchise in the foot. Sometimes it really is better to just tear the old house down and build a new one. This foundation has rotted and we are repeatedly wasting time and money on fixing it. That’s a fool’s errand.
So Fox, I invite you to just reboot this series from scratch. Some people will care, most people won’t, and it won’t affect Deadpool 2 one way or another. He’ll just make a joke about it and move on. You can start fresh, with an actual plan in place from the beginning this time, with the benefit of nearly 20 years of experience guiding you in the right direction. You can get it right off the bat, instead of spending multiple years and sequels fixing old problems, making new ones, and never quite getting around to where you wanted to be in the first place.
Just think about it: an all-new, all-different X-Men? It’s worked before…
William Bibbiani (everyone calls him ‘Bibbs’) is Crave’s film content editor and critic. You can hear him every week on The B-Movies Podcast and Canceled Too Soon, and watch him on the weekly YouTube series Most Craved, Rapid Reviews and What the Flick. Follow his rantings on Twitter at @WilliamBibbiani.
The 40 Other Best Superhero Movies Ever Made (No Marvel, No DC):
Top Photo: 20th Century Fox
The OTHER Best Superhero Movies Ever Made
-
40. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze
The second Ninja Turtles movie had more in common with the cartoon series than the darker, more serious first movie. But despite the pervasive silliness there's a lot to like about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II, if only ironically. The unapologetically campy "Ninja Rap" by Vanilla Ice will always hold a place in some people's hearts.
Photo: New Line Cinema
-
39. The Crow: Wicked Prayer
Edward Furlong dons the gothic face paint in the fourth movie based on James O'Barr's tragic revenge comic, and while it's not nearly as good as the original, Wicked Prayer is a lot more interesting than the middle two films. David Boreanaz and Tara Reid overact the hell out of their villain parts, and Six-String Samurai director Lance Mungia overloads the film with wonky weirdness. It's a mess, but it's a very watchable mess.
Photo: Dimension Films
-
38. Avengers Grimm
Fairy tale princesses follow the wicked Rumplestiltskin through the magic mirror to modern day Los Angeles, and wage a war with abilities culled from their various stories. (Sleeping Beauty puts bad guys in a trance, Rapunzel attacks with her hair, you get the idea.) The budget is painfully low and the acting is all over the place, but the script is undeniably solid, with a fully-realized fantasy world and entertaining riffs on old archetypes. With a bigger budget Avengers Grimm might have been a lot higher on this list.
Photo: The Asylum
-
37. The Green Hornet
Seth Rogen and Jay Chou have fantastic chemistry in The Green Hornet, a film that sets out to dissect the superhero/sidekick relationship and does a good job of it. Christoph Waltz is also an excellent villain, who only turns to masks and gimmicks because of a mid-life crisis. Unfortunately, the action, the pacing and the third act are mediocre at best, leaving The Green Hornet feeling like an amiable misfire instead of a genuinely good flick.
Photo: Columbia Pictures
-
36. The Return of Captain Invincible
Alan Arkin plays a has-been superhero forced out of retirement in this bizarre Aussie musical. The Return of Captain Invincible isn't as funny as it thinks it is, but it's worth watching just to hear Christopher Lee croon about being, essentially, an evil bartender.
Photo: Seven Keys
-
35. The Guyver
An adaptation of a violent manga series, The Guyver isn't very well written but it features cool action sequences and astounding makeup effects by co-director Screaming Mad George.
Photo: New Line Cinema
-
34. My Super Ex-Girlfriend
A clever screenplay is sabotaged by hokey direction in My Super Ex-Girlfriend, about a hapless boob who dates a superhero, breaks up with her, and discovers that all that grim 'n' gritty emotional baggage has consequences. If you can look past shoddy fight scenes and obvious rom-com staging, you'll be able to see that screenwriter Don Payne understood superheroes very, very well.
Photo: 20th Century Fox
-
33. Hancock
Will Smith is great as a superhero whose isolation leads him to self-destruction in Hancock, a film that draws smart parallels between costumed crime-fighting and Hollywood celebrity. Unfortunately, the film's second half abandons that concept entirely, in favor of endless exposition and pointless action. Both halves average out to a watchable mixed bag.
Photo: Columbia Pictures
-
32. Hellboy
Guillermo Del Toro's fanciful adaptation of Mike Mignola's stylish comic book series gets all the monsters and makeup just right, but saddles the audience with a boring human protagonist who does nothing but distract from the star attraction: Ron Perlman, perfectly cast as a grumbling, satanic monster-hunter with a heart of gold.
Photo: Columbia Pictures
-
31. Doctor Mordrid
Horror star Jeffrey Combs was never suaver than he was in this low-budget Doctor Strange knockoff, about a master sorcerer trying to stop his oldest enemy from rising to power. Doctor Mordrid suffers from a low budget, but the film has its moments, like a nifty climactic stop-motion dinosaur skeleton fight.
Photo: Full Moon Entertainment
-
30. Hero At Large
John Ritter is positively charming as a naive actor who accidentally inspires New York City when he stops a liquor store robbery while he's still in his superhero costume. Hero At Large has smart things to say about the rocky relationship between what's real and what really matters, but it's probably too long by about half an hour.
Photo: MGM
-
29. RoboCop 2
From the director of The Empire Strikes Back and the writer of The Dark Knight Returns came a jokier RoboCop, but one that nevertheless boasts non-stop social satire and kick-ass action sequences. It's not as good as the original, but it's not as bad as a lot of people remember.
Photo: Orion Pictures
-
28. Sky High
Witty in-jokes and hilarious cameos elevate an otherwise lightweight teen comedy, about the son of a superhero who gets sidelined at school because he hasn't gotten his powers yet. It's a fun film, but the climax veers way too far into silly territory.
Photo: Buena Vista Pictures
-
27. Kick-Ass
Kick-Ass has serious script problems - like a title hero who has almost no impact on the story whatsoever - but the good parts are damn near unforgettable, particularly a scene-stealingly weird performance by Nicolas Cage and a badass (and utterly irresponsible) mass murdering turn by a young Chloe Grace Moretz.
Photo: Lionsgate
-
26. V for Vendetta
In spite of an ending that completely, shamelessly misses the point of what its protagonist stood for, this handsome adaptation gets a lot of things right, with a revolutionary mentality and memorable star turns by Hugo Weaving and Natalie Portman.
Photo: Warner Bros.
-
25. Behind the Mask
Behind the Mask is the second in a trilogy of films based on The Shadow (all of them released in 1946), and it's easily the best, with masked vigilante Lamont Cranston juggling a false murder accusation and his charismatic but meddling girlfriend in equal measure. Light, quirky, admittedly dated, but still a lot of fun.
Photo: Monogram Pictures
-
24. The Shadow
Alec Baldwin took over as The Shadow in this handsome, pulpy thriller that failed to find an audience but has aged rather well, thanks to sly performances, a winking sense of humor and surprisingly creepy set pieces.
Photo: Universal Pictures
-
23. Megamind
A supervillain finally kills his arch-nemesis, takes over the city, and immediately suffers from an existential crisis in Megamind, a movie that doesn't always fire on all cylinders - the details are head-scratching at best - but gets by on personality and showmanship.
Photo: Paramount Pictures
-
22. The Toxic Avenger
Vicious, puerile, disgusting... these are all points in The Toxic Avenger's favor. The breakout film from Troma told the story of a nerd who fell into a vat of chemicals, mutated into a monster, got superpowers, and became homicidal whenever evil people were around. And there are some UNBELIEVABLY evil people in Tromaville. It's a divisive film, but then most of the truly "cult" films are.
Photo: Troma
-
21. Hellboy II: The Golden Army
Guillermo Del Toro ditched the boring non-hero and focused on the title monster. A wise move that makes this sequel the superior Hellboy. The plot isn't quite as captivating as the movie makes it out to be, but the impossible menagerie of masterful makeup effects more than compensates.
Photo: Universal Pictures
-
20. Griff the Invisible
Strange and wonderful, the Australian import Griff the Invisible is the story of a socially awkward office worker who spends his nights protecting the neighborhood. He picks up an unexpected partner on his quest to build an invisibility cloak, but looks can be deceiving... on multiple levels. A bittersweet and very good film about the thin line between fantasy and delusion.
Photo: Vivendi Entertainment
-
19. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
A shallow cheerleader inherits supernatural powers and overwhelming responsibilities in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, a clever and funny film whose biggest crime is not being half as good as the spin-off television series, which expanded on the characters and the mythology. Still, the original Buffy holds up rather well as a 1990s high school superhero comedy, with Kristy Swanson kicking butt and Paul Reubens and Rutger Hauer stealing scenes.
Photo: 20th Century Fox
-
18. The Powerpuff Girls Movie
An impressive fusion of bright colors and total darkness, the unexpectedly melancholy origin of the hit Cartoon Network superheroes left some audiences baffled. But for those who take Blossom, Bubbles and Buttercup seriously (as well as their arch-nemesis, Mojo Jojo), this energetic motion picture hits all the right marks.
Photo: Warner Bros.
-
17. The Watchmen
Zack Snyder adapted one of the most unadaptable graphic novels in history, and to his credit he got a lot of it right. The sense of history and scale is spot on, and the cast of characters comes to life: victories, failures and all. Strange visual cues and controversial changes to the story keep The Watchmen from achieving greatness, but sometimes it actually comes close.
Photo: Warner Bros.
-
16. The Mask
A loverlorn loser dons a magical mask and becomes... well, not a superhero, but a superpowered explosion of unbridled id. Jim Carrey gives the perfect cartoon performance in The Mask, a film that brims with style and energy and mania.
Photo: New Line Productions
-
15. Orgazmo
From the creators of South Park came a low-budget comedy about a Mormon who became a porn star, who then became a superhero. It's as dumb as it sounds, but that's at least partly the point: Trey Parker has so much fun sending up superhero movies and pornography that you almost forget that the film has hardly any sex or nudity in it, or that it actually has intelligent things to say about the evolution of individual morality and the social impact of adult cinema.
Photo: Rogue Pictures
-
14. Mystery Men
Lots of superhero stories are about how one man or woman is destined for greatness. In Mystery Men we meet a whole group of wannabes who are destined for mediocrity, but who get a brief moment to shine when the city's biggest superhero is kidnapped. A hilarious film that's full of wonderful characters. It's a mystery why Mystery Men doesn't have a bigger cult following.
Photo: Universal Pictures
-
13. The Specials
A low-budget superhero comedy about a middling superhero team - on their day off, no less - the conversational and intelligent comedy The Specials dissects the everyday nonsense that would have to befall every costumed crime fighter. By bringing these titans down to our level, we are reminded that heroism isn't a 24/7 occupation, and that our greatest heroes are usually just dorks like the rest of us. A great superhero comedy, written by future Guardians of the Galaxy director James Gunn.
Photo: Anchor Bay
-
12. The Mark of Zorro (1940)
Tyrone Power cuts a dashing figure as the masked crime fighter Zorro, who spurns his affluent upbringing and risks life and limb to bring equality to the poor. It's a rollicking adventure of the highest caliber, and somehow it's not even the best Zorro movie.
Photo: 20th Century Fox
-
11. Darkman
Future Spider-Man director Sam Raimi cut his superhero teeth on Darkman, a stylish and kick-ass action/adventure about a scientist who loses his face and has to steal the identities of bad guys to find revenge and save his ex-girlfriend. Liam Neeson is impressively unhinged, as is Raimi's virtuoso filmmaking. Darkman is like a classic Universal Monster movie crossed with a modern superhero thriller. It's equal parts weird and wonderful.
Photo: Universal Pictures
-
10. Unbreakable
M. Night Shyamalan's follow-up to the Oscar-nominated The Sixth Sense was ahead of its time, subverting superhero clichés before most audience members were able to even recognize them. But this dark parable about a family man re-discovering his true potential is masterfully filmed, impressively acted, and only let down by an ending that is almost comically rushed.
Photo: Buena Vista Pictures
-
9. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
The first Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie works better than it probably had any right to, with impressive costumes, cool fight scenes and an emotional storyline that actually made you care about whether these pizza-eating reptiles lived or died. And the messages about teen apathy and capitalist brainwashing is downright subversive, considering that this film was at the forefront of a massive merchandising empire.
Photo: New Line Cinema
-
8. The Crow
The late, great Brandon Lee gave a heart-wrenching performance in his last film, based on the gothic revenge comic by James O'Barr. The Crow is a gorgeous music video pumped full of angst and anguish, an adrenaline shot of violent grief that overpowers its otherwise conventional storyline. It is tragedy, caught on camera, and whatever its flaws it is beautiful.
Photo: Miramax Films
-
7. The Mask of Zorro
Grand, old-fashioned action abounds in Martin Campbell's The Mask of Zorro, which finds an older version of the iconic hero making way for a younger, feistier, more sensual leading man. Great sword fights, a sly sense of humor and the occasional creepy moment (that is NOT what you're supposed to do with a severed head) make The Mask of Zorro the second best Zorro movie.
Photo: TriStar Pictures
-
6. Chronicle
A group of teenagers get superpowers, act like dumbasses, and then realize that with great power comes a great excuse to act out on your most deplorable urges. Josh Trank's Chronicle captures the fantasy and the horror of becoming more than human, in a film that plays a bit like an Americanized version of Akira, but also a lot like one of the best superhero movies ever made.
Photo: 20th Century Fox
-
5. Super
The superhero genre got its own version of Taxi Driver in James Gunn's brutal comedy, about an emotionally troubled man who thinks God has chosen him to beat the crime out of his community with a wrench. Rainn Wilson gets himself a sidekick and tries to stop a local villain, only to confront the sad, sexual, violent realities of the superhero fantasy. Potent, powerful, kind of brilliant, Super is truly super.
Photo: IFC Films
-
4. The Mark of Zorro (1920)
The original heroic ideal who put on a mask, carved his initials in evildoers and inspired us all to make better choices. Douglas Fairbanks' film came out only one year after Zorro first premiered in print. He co-wrote the screenplay and performed some amazing stunts. And this film helped define superhero storytelling in all mediums, comics and beyond.
Photo: United Artists
-
3. The Rocketeer
The wonders of flight never seemed more wondrous than they do in Joe Johnston's The Rocketeer, a fabulous throwback to old school adventure about a dashing young hero who finds a jet pack, fights Nazis and proves he's a better man than Errol Flynn (kind of). This is the kind of superhero movie you assumed they always made, but maybe they only made it this once.
Photo: Buena Vista Pictures
-
2. The Incredibles
The best Fantastic Four movie doesn't have The Fantastic Four in it. It's The Incredibles, Brad Bird's animated adventure about a family of people who have stunted their own potential in an ongoing effort to be normal, only to finally break out and become the superheroes they were always supposed to be. The philosophy is controversial: the film argues pretty hard that some people are special and some simply aren't. But as a metaphor for how we all feel (as opposed to how the world actually works), it's an inspiring, breathtakingly realized metaphor for the hero in each of us.
Photo: Pixar
-
1. RoboCop
Part action movie, part horror movie, part social satire, all RoboCop. Paul Verhoeven's endlessly inventive sci-fi classic is about a cop his sacrifices his life, and then his identity after the corporate-owned police department turns him into a cyborg. The effects are incredible, the violence is unbelievable, the satire is biting, and the humanity is unmistakable. RoboCop isn't just one of the best movies about a superpowered hero. There's an argument to be made that it's one of the best movies. Period.
Photo: Orion Pictures
