The time has come to finally admit that we now live in a world where it doesn’t matter whether or not you see certain movies. The proliferation of social media and the annoying click-bait mentality that permeates the news cycle means that there are now certain motion pictures that, whether or not you even care about them, you will simply have to deal with.
That’s why our 2016 movie preview doesn’t highlight the films we are actually looking forward to. Frankly, we’re dreading some of these movies, either because they look awful or because they’re sequels to films that we already know are awful. This year, we’re not going to give you a list of films to get excited about. That’s always a fallacy anyway, since nobody’s seen them yet and nobody has any idea if they’ll actually be worth recommending.
No, this year we are going to PREPARE you. You may want to see some or even all of these movies, but even if you don’t, you will be hearing about them. Your friends will be praising or complaining about them on social media. Your news feeds will be flooded with theories and rumors and even gossip about the stars. There will be so many think pieces.
You can’t run, you can’t hide, but you can at last steel yourself. This is our 2016 movie preview, and this is your future, for better or worse.
2016 Movie Preview | 20 Movies You Will Have to Deal With
Top Photo: Warner Bros.
William Bibbiani (everyone calls him ‘Bibbs’) is Crave’s film content editor and critic. You can hear him every week on The B-Movies Podcast and watch him on the weekly YouTube series Most Craved and What the Flick. Follow his rantings on Twitter at @WilliamBibbiani.
The 20 Movies You Will Have to Deal With in 2016
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Deadpool (February 12)
Ryan Reynolds gets his fourth shot at superhero stardom with Deadpool, a film that actively apologizes for how lame the so-called "Merc With a Mouth" was in 2009's X-Men Origins: Wolverine. Will all be forgiven? Will anyone show up to this movie besides hardcore Deadpool fans?
Photo: 20th Century Fox
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Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (March 25)
Warner Bros. desperately tries to catch up to Marvel Studios by jumpstarting their whole interconnected superhero movie franchise all at once, with Superman (Henry Cavill), Batman (Ben Affleck) and Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot) all fighting each other before - presumably - realizing they should all be buddies. Is Batman v Superman too much too soon, or could it possibly be the biggest superhero movie ever?
Photo: Warner Bros.
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The Jungle Book (April 25)
Director Jon Favreau (Iron Man) takes photorealistic CGI effects to what may be a whole new level in the latest live-action (well, kind of) Disney reboot of one of their animated classics. But will the actual movie hold up to the beloved musical, or will it just be an exercise in technical craftsmanship?
Photo: Walt Disney
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Captain America: Civil War (May 6)
The heroes of the Marvel Cinematic Universe collide in Captain America: Civil War, a film that introduces new heroes (Black Panther, possibly Spider-Man) and makes everybody fight. This movie is probably a slam dunk, but after two films in 2015 that hardly rank amongst the franchise's best, will audience interest wane?
Photo: Marvel Studios
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X-Men: Apocalypse (May 27)
The X-Men finally face the live-action version of one of their greatest foes in X-Men: Apocalypse, which unites new teenaged versions of classic characters (Cyclops, Jean Grey, Nightcrawler) against a godlike foe. These movies are notoriously hit-or-miss, but they seem to be on a roll lately. Could X-Men: Apocalypse be the next Days of Future Past?
Photo: 20th Century Fox
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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows (June 3)
Kids seemed to love the latest live-action version of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, but nostalgic fans of the original series balked at the many baffling changes made to the series. Out of the Shadows seems designed to placate them, with fan favorite characters Bebop and Rocksteady finally (FINALLY) making the transition to the big screen, and Casey Jones (Arrow's Stephen Amell) making his long-awaited comeback too. Will it be enough, or will the jokey, pandering tone of the original film still turn off audiences over the age of ten?
Photo: Paramount Pictures
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Warcraft (June 10)
Could Warcraft finally be the video game movie that doesn't (at least mostly) suck? With acclaimed filmmaker Duncan Jones (Moon) at the helm, it very well could be, and it's obvious that Universal Pictures has thrown a lot of money at this saga of humans vs. orcs (and vice-versa) to make it a serious blockbuster contender. But Warcraft is a complicated universe, and may only appeal to those who already play the game. Then again, are there really that many people who DON'T play the game?
Photo: Universal Pictures
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Finding Dory (June 17)
Pixar may not be the unstoppable juggernaut of quality cinema that they once were, but audiences still flock to their films, and they'll probably flock in droves to see the sequel to one of the most popular animated movies ever made. Does the world need a sequel to Finding Nemo, all about a memory-challenged blue tang? And will Finding Dory have more in common with the good Pixar sequels (Toy Story) than the terrible ones (Cars)?
Photo: Walt Disney/Pixar
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Independence Day: Resurgence (June 24)
In the latest in an increasingly long line of ambitious sequels to nostalgia franchises that have been absent from theaters for decades, Roland Emmerich finally seems to be returning to what he does best: blowing Earth up good. Old cast members return (except Will Smith) to fend off a second wave of alien invaders with high-tech weapons salvaged from the last intergalactic war. It'll probably be make a ton of money, and whether or not it's actually any good will probably be besides the point. (See also: Jurassic World.)
Photo: 20th Century Fox
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The BFG (July 1)
Steven Spielberg hasn't made a film specifically designed to enchant children since the early 1990s, but he's back to his old magical tricks with The BFG, an adaptation of one of the many classic novels by Roald Dahl (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory). Nobody knows how to capture wonderment quite like Spielberg, but kids are also being force-fed aggression and violence and product placement this summer. Can The BFG (which stands for "Big Friendly Giant") really stand a chance?
Photo: Walt Disney
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Ghostbusters (July 15)
Paul Feig's reboot of the classic Ghostbusters franchise was met with unexpectedly virulent reactions when he revealed that the cast would be full of (gasp!) women! Sexists might balk, but all that really matters when all is said and done is whether or not this new Ghostbusters is any good. If it's anywhere near as awesome as the original, it will probably be embraced with open arms and make tons of money. If not, some jerks will probably say that women can't open big summer movies (even though the opposite has already been proven). A lot is on the line here.
Photo: Columbia Pictures
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Star Trek Beyond (July 22)
J.J. Abrams, who directed the last two Star Trek movies, took a break to direct a little film called Star Wars. In his place comes Fast & Furious director Justin Lin, who appears - from the first teaser, at any rate - to have transformed the franchise into his own particular brand of stylish, vehicular insanity. Why is there a motorcycle stunt in Star Trek Beyond? And will mainstream audiences finally embrace this franchise now that it looks almost nothing like Gene Roddenberry's original, influential vision?
Photo: Paramount Pictures
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The Untitled Bourne Movie (July 29)
After an awkward attempt to continue the Jason Bourne franchise with Matt Damon (The Bourne Legacy, which upped the stupid by about 500%), Damon and director Paul Greengrass are back for a new sequel that is so shrouded in mystery, we don't even know what it's called yet. Damon and Greengrass were a dynamite combination in The Bourne Supremacy and The Bourne Ultimatum, and could bring the intelligence and excitement back to this series. Or, it could be all about drugs that make you super smart again.
Photo: Frank Marshall
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Suicide Squad (August 5)
After the (presumed) blockbuster success of Batman v Superman, Warner Bros. follows up on their all-star superhero team up with a mostly obscure supervillain team-up. Tough guy filmmaker David Ayer (End of Watch) is here to make bad guys like Deadshot (Will Smith) and Harley Quinn (Margot Robbie) the biggest antiheroes of the summer. But will he be able to make their outlandish antics palatable to mainstream audiences, who've never seen a superhero movie quite like this?
Photo: Warner Bros.
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Gambit (October 7)
The other second Marvel character that X-Men Origins: Wolverine screwed up, and the second one to get his own solo movie in 2017. Gambit stars Channing Tatum (sorry, Taylor Kitsch) as a charismatic mutant thief in a film by Doug Liman, whose productions are notoriously troubled but usually turn out okay. (Jumper notwithstanding.) Nobody knows if this movie will be good or not, nor do they know if Channing Tatum will be able to pull off a realistic Cajun accent. It's another big gamble for the X-Men franchise in 2016.
Photo: Marvel
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Inferno (October 28)
Ron Howard and Tom Hanks team up once again for Inferno, the third adaptation of Dan Brown's pulpy religious academia thrillers. This time, Robert Langdon (Hanks) wakes up in Florence with no memory, and another mystery to solve. These films are enormously successful without actually being popular. When was the last time you talked about the first two movies? When was the last time anybody quoted them? Is this really a sure thing? It's been six years since Angels & Demons... do audiences still care?
Photo: Columbia Pictures
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Doctor Strange (November 4)
The first solo movie to emerge from Marvel's Phase Three is Doctor Strange, which stars Benedict Cumberbatch as a surgeon who learns the ways of magic. It's a big about-face for the MCU, introducing spells and demons into a universe previously inhabited only by sci-fi concepts. Will the MCU get too confusing? Will anybody really care that much if it does? And will anyone be able to resist the dulcet dialogue delivery of Cumerbatch?
Photo: Marvel
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Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (November 18)
How do you continue to adapt the Harry Potter series when you've run out of Harry Potter books? Adapt one of the books WITHIN the Harry Potter books! Eddie Redmayne plays magical animal expert Newt Scamander in a period piece, set in America this time, that promises all manner of mystical mumbo-jumbo. It might be pretty good, it might be a giant misfire, but since these are original films, at least nobody can complain about how they left out the best parts of the novels. (But they'll probably try.)
Photo: Warner Bros.
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Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (December 16)
Don't forget: you're getting one new Star Wars movie per year for the rest of your lives. When will the bloom fall off of this rose? Probably not in 2016, when Gareth Edwards' Rogue One hits theaters, telling the story of how the Rebels got their hands on those Death Star plans, immediately preceding the events of Episode IV. There hasn't been a Star Wars spin-off like this since the Ewoks movies. And this HAS to be better than the Ewoks movies, right? Right...?
Photo: Walt Disney
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Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children (December 25)
Tim Burton adapts the best-selling fantasy novel by Ransom Riggs, and might just win back the hearts of the diehard acolytes who haven't liked a lot of his recent movies. It's the story of a boy who encounters a hidden school for children with strange powers, and if it's anything like the book, and anything like Burton's other movies, it's going to be atmospheric as hell. But will it be GOOD? Burton is so hit-and-miss nowadays, it could go either way.
Photo: Quirk Books
