Top Image via Walt Disney Pictures
We’re a little more than halfway into the 2010s, and although there were plenty of films to populate our list of The Best Movies of the Decade (So Far), there is also no denying that there has been an unconscionable amount of crap. And it is that crap, dear readers, that we are here to talk about today. Not because we want to, but because we have a moral responsibility to warn you about these turkeys – the worst movies of the decade.
To be clear: these are not fun films. These hurt us badly. We polled Crave’s critics William Bibbiani, Witney Seibold and Brian Formo – as well as Alonso Duralde from The Wrap and Dave White from Linoleum Knife – and got each of them to nominate their choices for The 50 Worst Movies of the Decade (So Far). Their #1 pick was awarded 50 points, their #50 pick was awarded one point, and so on.
When the votes were tabulated, we were left with these 50 awful motion pictures that scarred our poor film critics, who watch this stuff so you don’t have to. Each film comes with commentary from one of the experts who thought it was one of the worst movies of the decade (again, so far). After all, each of these films should come with a warning label.
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And although many of the films on this list should come as no surprise, many of them might also be completely unknown to you. There are more films released every year than most people could possibly see without dedicating their whole life to this pursuit, and so our list includes many low-budget independents alongside the giant blockbuster debacles. Adam Sandler made the list four times, but so did Johnny Depp (and in #40, they even appeared together).
Worst Movies of the Decade
So take a guided tour through the worst movies this decade has had to offer, culminating in the worst of the worst, and our 50 runners-up. Abandon all hope, dear readers. Abandon all hope.
50. Mortdecai (2015)
Lionsgate
I know it’s dangerous to cite very recent films as the best or the worst you’ve ever seen (such films rarely stand the test of time), but I think it may be fair in the case of David Koepp’s Mortdecai, a misguided comedy caper based less on wit and sophistication, and more on mugging and funny facial hair. Johnny Depp plays the title character, a gentleman thief and art expert who looks and talks like Terry-Thomas, but who behaves like an annoying 13-year-old who just figured out a British accent.
Worst Moment: Most of Depp’s mugging scenes are pretty rough. Although you may want to check out #12 for a worse example. ~ Witney Seibold
49. Friends With Kids (2011)
Lionsgate/Roadside Attractions
Ever look at a movie poster featuring a bunch of your favorite stars and thought, “With a cast like this, how bad could it be?” Exhibit A of just how bad it could be is this irritating rom-com, in which Jennifer Westfeldt (who starred and directed) dragooned her then-boyfriend Jon Hamm and a top-notch ensemble including Adam Scott and Hamm’s fellow Bridesmaids alums Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph and Chris O’Dowd. (She somehow nabbed Mike Nichols as an executive producer, although he did nothing to keep the movie from being unfunny and slipshod from start to finish.) An alleged comedy about hetero romance and babies and whatnot, this movie strands a talented cast and gives them nothing interesting to do or say.
Worst Moment: An agonizingly extended finale in which it takes Scott’s character forever to realize that he’s been in love with Westfeldt’s character all along, thus delaying the audience’s liberation from the theater. ~ Alonso Duralde
48. Dumb and Dumber To (2014)
New Line Cinema
Comedy certainly changed in two decades. It’s gone from innocently stupid to situationally cruel. In bringing beloved doofuses Lloyd (Jim Carrey) and Harry (Jeff Daniels) into modern comedy the Farrelly Brothers forgot why the film was successful in the first place: their bonded friendship. In Dumb and Dumber To this duo isn’t just a pair of idiots on a quest, they’re nasty to each other. And worse, they’re fully aware of the racist and sexist jokes they’re making. Harry and Lloyd aren’t innocently misusing words, they’re specifically out to push people’s buttons and one of them is attempting to sleep with the other’s daughter as revenge. Ick. One of the worst movies of the decade but also deeply disappointing.
Worst Moment: Case in point: When Lloyd meets Harry’s adoptive Asian parents he asks if they love each other “long time” and when the duo is at a TED talk (renamed KEN) they yell “show us your tits!” at each female tech presenter. These aren’t two simpletons who somehow have gotten to their 40s, these are two men who are aware they’re being disruptive assholes and they’re trying to get a laugh from the people around them. And it ain’t funny. ~ Brian Formo
47. Twixt (2011)
American Zoetrope
What happened to Francis Ford Coppola? This is the man who made The Godfather and Apocalypse Now, and he has now somehow been reduced to confused, low-budget trash like Twixt. Val Kilmer plays an author who moves to a small haunted-ish town for a shock of inspiration, only to encounter dream visits from the ghost of Edgar Allan Poe, and a group of creepy Goth kids who live across the lake. Also, there’s some twist in the way time works in this town. Also the Goths are vampires. Wha??
Worst Moment: About 15 minutes in, when you realize that Twixt isn’t going to get better. And then you feel sad for Kilmer and for Coppola, and then for the world. ~ Witney Seibold
46. Jonah Hex (2010)
Warner Bros.
I don’t mind when filmmakers stray from the source material, especially when it comes to obscure pop comic book products. Indeed, I like when a movie takes an original crack at something, rather than just repeating what was on the page. So I’m not going to complain about the changes Jonah Hex went through in his film adaptation. I will, however, complain that the film is clunky, extremely badly written, ugly to look at, confusing, dumb, and features unappealing characters. It’s a western of sorts, but with a low-budget, super-rushed action movie aesthetic.
Worst Moment: The dream sequence-like fights. I can’t tell what the heck is going on. ~ Witney Seibold
45. Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015)
Paramount Pictures
The first Hot Tub Time Machine was a surprise. It owned its silly titular concept and winningly played with nostalgia for the 80s, specifically for 80s-era John Cusack, and Cusack’s presence perhaps made each comedian have to strive for something more than dick jokes—simply because he was on set. Cusack isn’t the sequel and Craig Robinson, Rob Corddry, and Clark Duke now leave no dick joke unturned. Hot Tub Time Machine 2 is 93-minutes of dick jokes. Don’t believe me? The plot starts when one of the characters gets shotgun-blasted in the dick. And the movie is essentially about saving his penis.
Worst Moment: The virtual reality rape scene. Although it’s attempting to be funny, Hot Tub Time Machine 2 might actually prove that the future would be better with less penises around. ~ Brian Formo
44. Winter’s Tale (2014)
Warner Bros.
Akiva Goldsman gets a lot of crap from filmlovers for writing Batman & Robin, so when time came to direct his own movie, all he really had to do was make something better than Batman & Robin. Somehow he dropped that ball hard. This incomprehensible adaptation of Mark Helprin’s novel forces everyone involved to embarrass themselves in unthinkable ways, from Colin Farrell’s absurd haircut to Russell Crowe’s head butting amnesia powers to the Tri-Star logo’s anti-anachronistic mobster radius attack. Winter’s Tale tells us that lens flare is the most magical substance in the universe, and that fucking someone to death is the height of romance.
Worst Moment: Winter’s Tale concludes with a new star added, poetically, to the constellation Orion. It gives the celestial archer a penis. ~ William Bibbiani
43. Son of God (2014)
20th Century Fox
It might be a little rude to pick on this faith-based movie, but the thing is, it’s not even a movie. It’s a faith-based cash grab by Fox, who took the ten-hour televised History Channel mini-series, The Bible, and then took most of the Jesus parts and edited them into a two-hour movie that they shoved into theaters. The church buses revved up and (most likely) unwittingly went to the cineplex to see a shortened version of a mini-series they (most likely) watched at home just one year prior. Fox made $60 million off of this hack job by hiding its origin. Rude.
Worst Moment: Every question that Jesus is asked is transparent: it’s just there to set up a famous quote from scripture. As such, Jesus isn’t flesh and blood, he’s merely paper. ~ Brian Formo
42. Anonymous (2011)
Columbia Pictures
Historical movies don’t need to contain accurate history any more than cop movies need to cast real cops, but if you’re going to drastically rewrite the life of William Shakespeare and poop all over his accomplishments, you’d better have a goddamned point to make. Roland Emmerich, unsurprisingly, does not. His Anonymous takes the already offensive assumption that an uneducated individual could never be smart and drizzles in laughable political scandal, incest and murder and ultimately comes to the conclusion that greatness is genetic. Screw the hell out of you.
Worst Moment: Not only does this movie claim that William Shakespeare murdered Christopher Marlowe – yes, really – but it also argues that he did so five years after Marlowe actually died. ~ William Bibbiani
41. And So It Goes (2014)
Castle Rock Entertainment
The co-writer of As Good as it Gets (Mark Andrus) must’ve thought his 1997 script was as good as he could do, because essentially And So it Goes is the same damn thing, except an age appropriate lover (Diane Keaton), is offered to the old curmudgeon who could use some lessons in kindness (Michael Douglas). And So it Goes is harmless. But it’s acted, edited, and written without any aim higher than: OLD PEOPLE WILL WATCH THIS. It’s also hokey as fuck. The curmudgeon’s openness to loving again is paralleled with his granddaughter’s home movie about a caterpillar turning into a butterfly for chrissakes.
Worst Moment: Rob Reiner provides numerous Ed Wood-level badness-in-direction moments, many including himself (!), as a piano-playing love rival to Douglas. There’s a scene where Reiner slips on a Slip N Slide just after being turned down on a date with Keaton, where you really just wish Reiner would hang it up because the once director of This Is Spinal Tap and The Princess Bride is starting to embarrass himself. The Bucket List wasn’t a fluke. And so it goes. ~ Brian Formo
