MLB Baseball Promotions We Want To See In 2015

I love a good, creative giveaway. I really do. The Rays’ “Moore Cowbell” was genius. So is the upcoming Mariners cap with a bottle-opener in the rim.

But, most of the time the promotions are boring and repetitive. Let’s get better, MLB.

How? I’m glad you asked, because I cooked up some ideas in the lab.

Take a look.

Cubs 

Bring Your Goat to the Game

The only way to break the curse is to let folks bring in those Billies.

Yankees

Free Legal Advice by A-Rod Night

The slugger will win hearts back as he pays for lawyers to work in the concourses all night long giving the same level of treatment he got.

Rays

Blow Up Doll Giveaway

This isn’t for sex, sickos. This is to double the size of the crowd on TV.

Phillies

Ryan Howard Giveaway

Literally, you can take him home for free. He’s tall. He can reach top shelves.

Reds

Cueto Countdown Clock Giveaway

A clock that counts down the time before Cueto leaves at the trade deadline.

A’s

Do-It-Yourself Jersey Giveaway

The team supplies the jersey and felt letters but it is up to you to keep up with the roster changes.

Dumpster Dive Lecture

“Learn how to get value from nothing” by Professor Billy Beane.

Dodgers

Quick Getaway Night

The first 10k fans get a pass that lets them by-pass traffic upon exit. Thus, allowing them to stay the whole game without traffic worries.

Flashlight Giveaway

It is one way we help fans find their cars.

White Sox

Shorts Pants Flashback Doubleheader

Any fan who wears 70s replica shorts to the day game will get a pair of pants for the night matchup.

Pajamas and Pillows Giveaway

Even we know how boring we are.

Red Sox

Men’s Grooming Kit Giveaway

… Because they aren’t using it.

House a Red Sox Night

We really don’t have room for all of these guys… can one of them come stay with you?

Braves

Cardboard Box Day

Each fan in attendance gets a box to take home and store… then bring back to the new suburban stadium.

Related: 13 Ways To Make Your Fantasy Baseball League Better

Twins

Legends Throwback Night for #7

Let’s all remember that former Twin great, Joe Mauer.

Rockies

Tulowitzki Fragile Bobblehead

Get a free mini-Tulo in April and if it is still in one piece in September then you get a free ticket.

Yankees

Tulowitzki Jersey Night

Let’s be honest, since it is only a matter of time.

Giants

One-Page Calendar Giveaway

The calendar only features October since that seems to be the only month the team cares about.

San Jose Appreciation Night

Anyone from Oakland is barred from the station. He’s with us now, sweetie.

Sweaty Chevy Truck Guy Metal Beverage Cooler Giveaway

Who didn’t love that MVP awarding big man who stumbled his way into our hearts?

Astros

Youth Contract Day

Anyone under 14 in attendance gets signed.

Bingo Card Day

Every time you recognize a player, mark your card.

Diamondbacks

Fans Manage the Game

From the Bill Veeck playbook, the fans will manage from the stands using giant cards. This really isn’t a gimmick since the D-Backs have no clue what they are doing.

Luchador Mask Giveaway

Hide your shame, Arizona. Oh… they actually do this giveaway for real. (Evidently, so did the Padres.) Ouch.

Mets

Matt Harvey Giant Poster 

The future of the franchise is much beloved but no one knows his face in the Big Apple.

2017 Calendar Giveaway

Not this year… not next year… the year after the year, we will be good.

Rangers

Mea Culpa Chulpa Night

Every fan is greeted at the gate by Prince Fielder, who apologizes for last year and hands over a chulpa.

Leftover Medikit Day

We swear we are done with them.

Padres

All-Star Day

The home heroes will wear their jerseys from the previous year.

Kids Piggybank Giveaway

It comes pre-broken.

Tigers

Run the Bases for Us

Bum knees, kids. You understand, right?

Orioles

Petition Drive

Move us to the National League since it is our only chance.

“The Wire” Appreciation Day

Because nothing brings the key MLB demographic of old white men together quicker than someone gushing over Baltimore’s own “The Wire”.

Nationals

Ryan Zimmerman Bobble-arm

No two throws are the same!

Cardinals

Raiders Test Night

Let’s see if the good natured Midwest folks can wear all black and spikes as a marketing test for the Raiders to take the Rams place.

This is mostly for everyone else in the world. Instead of hearing the self-made boast by the Redbird Nation, we can just read the shirt.

Brewers

Ryan Braun Souvenir Pee Cup with Free Miller

Presented by FedEx.

Mike Fiers Two Sticks Night

In honor of the man who throws under 90 but has a 9.17 k/9 rate. Since each K will take a long time, fans can rub the two sticks together long enough to get Fiers.

Indians

LeBron Bobblehead

Please come to a game, Cleveland. We have LeBron tonight. 😀

Heritage Night

Let us remember our great forefathers Pedro Cerrano and Ricky “Wild Thing” Vaughn.

Royals

Commemorative Cigar Night

Who says they can’t have a cigar for second place?

Blue Jays

R.A. Dickey Fan Appreciation Night

Your beloved knuckleballer will throw out gifts to Section 102… no 104… nope, it’s heading back to 102, 104… 106… 104….

Marlins

Home Run Ball Giveaway Presented by Giancarlo Stanton

There will be plenty.

And, to prove that I can make fun of my own team…

Mariners

A Seattle Salute to the Patriots Night

In the 9^th inning, the team will hand over the ball to anyone from Boston.

Russell Wilson Ceremonial First Pitch

… caught by a member of the Union of Household Butlers.

“It is Okay, Pete” Night

All stealing is banned. Seriously, no running.

Brian Reddoch is a CraveOnline reporter and rabid fan of all teams Seattle. You can follow him on Twitter @ReddReddoch or “like” CraveOnline Sports on Facebook.

Contributions from Bryce Wilson

Photo Credit: Getty