10 Things People Who Didn't Watch the Super Bowl Are Confused About Today

You’re the kind of person who sneers at sports fans and mocks them on Twitter despite debating the series finale of Game of Thrones until you’re blue in the face. You refer to football as “sportsball,” and roll your eyes at the mere mention of a shotgun play or a touchdown.

You’re “that” guy, and last night while the world hunkered themselves in with chicken wings and beer for the Super Bowl XLIX, you were busy doing other things such as sitting alone in your apartment, tweeting about how bored you were of people talking about the Super Bowl.

Naturally, today is a very confusing day for you as you are forced to deal with the post-Super Bowl fallout of memes and inside jokes between those who did watch it. Here are the questions you’re likely asking yourself:

1. What the Fuck is “Left Shark?”

What is Katy Perry doing on-stage with people dressed in terrible shark costumes? Why does the shark on the left not seem as into it as the shark on the right? You thought the Super Bowl was about big men throwing balls around – if you knew this beautiful mess would be taking place in its half-time show, you probably would’ve watched it.

Also See: ‘Left Shark’ was the Real MVP of the Super Bowl XLIX

2. Why is This Man so Angry?

There’s a whole range of emotions in this GIF, and you don’t understand any of them. Why does this dreadlocks-sporting man’s expressions change from optimism to angered disappointment in such a short space of time? You didn’t watch the Super Bowl, so you’ll never know.

Also See: Super Bowl XLIX: Craziest Ending Ever?

3. Why is Walter White Alive Again?

We didn’t think work had dried up that much for Bryan Cranston in a post-Breaking Bad world (he was in Godzilla for at least thirty minutes), but there he was, assuming the guise of the meth-dealing, carwash-owning Walter White once more in a commercial for Esurance. But you wouldn’t know that, because you didn’t watch the Super Bowl.

Also See: The 10 Best Ads of Super Bowl 2015

4. What the Hell is Beast Mode and Why Did This Man Fail to Activate It?

If you have a player within your team who harnesses the power of something branded “Beast Mode,” you never fail to activate it. You must ensure that Beast Mode is switched on, all of the time, every single day of the week. Today you have been informed that the man looking slight less sweaty in the above photograph failed to activate Beast Mode, and even though you are oblivious in regards to the events of the Super Bowl, you understand that this must have been a crucial mistake.

5. Why Are People Talking About Lindsay Lohan Again?

Why is Lindsay Lohan in the news again and OH GOD WHY IS SHE BEHIND THE WHEEL OF A CAR?!

Also See: Watch Katy Perry Roar During Super Bowl XLIX Halftime Show

6. Why Are People So Impressed That This Man Caught a Ball?

That’s his job, right?

Also See: WTF!? Madden NFL 15 Perfectly Predicts Super Bowl 49 Outcome

7. Why is Katy Perry Sitting Atop a Robo-Tiger?

Was this part of a trailer for Michael Bay’s next Transformers sequel?

Also See: 12 Things Katy Perry’s Super Bowl Halftime Show Was Clearly Inspired By

8. Why? Because you died.

Nationwide decided that the best way to advertise their bank would be to air a commercial based upon a child’s death. Bet you regret missing out on the Super Bowl now, huh?