I said Gandhi, who says “Be the change you want to see.” I feel like the people who reject violence and aggression show more confidence than the people who say, “You have to think this.”
Exactly. I use that Gandhi quote, “Be the change you wish to see in the world” all the time because that’s really what is required of all of us. Otherwise we’re complicit. We’re complicit in creating a really toxic culture and we’re complicit in furthering this epidemic and this culture of violence.
I’ve also done the other extreme where I try to share all my feelings. That can be unhealthy too, right?
Well, I think for girls too. You can keep a little bit close to the vest. I’m more like you. I probably share too much and I get in trouble sometimes, but I think it’s to each his or her own. There’s nothing wrong with, especially when you’re in an intimate relationship, you shouldn’t be afraid to hold back your true feelings and emotions. I think that that’s what strengthens and deepens relationships. It’s like a relationship with children. I’m not going to go down that path because that’s a different conversation.
That’s your third film?
A lot of our social action work is really about better parenting, healthier parenting, helping our boys and girls to stay whole and true to themselves.
You’re right, I could have a whole conversation with you about parenting, but I still have half a page of notes on The Mask You Live In.
Keep going!
“Intimacy is about a heart connection and about a truth connection. That is possible if you’re able to unveil or unmask.”
Another thing men like to say, and I just saw a dramatic movie here that used this line, is that monogamy is against our evolutionary nature and no animals are monogamous. Has anyone suggested that monogamy is the evolution and that we can have better relationships than animals?
Well, there all animals that are monogamous. I remember when my husband, Gavin Newsom, and I were married, a pair of Canadian geese flew over our wedding site and I thought that that was so beautiful and symbolic and inspiring. There are animals that are monogamous and look, I feel like some people choose not to be but I do feel like a lot of that comes from a place of fear and distrust and mistrust.
If you’re in a relationship where you allow the other person to be themselves and be true to themselves and you inspire each other daily, and you encourage each other to be the best version of themselves, then I think you can have a monogamous relationship.
Oh, if someone doesn’t want to be monogamous, I’m not judging them. I’m more reacting to people trying to convince me not to be monogamous.
Right, but see, that’s that bro code stuff. I bet you the people that are telling you that are the ones that are miserable, that are in their 40s and 50s, never been married, never been in a monogamous relationship. It’s out of their own fear and their own inability to value others or value women or maybe even comes from a place of selfishness.
I’m not saying that everybody needs to be married at all because I don’t think marriage is for everyone, and this isn’t the subject matter of the film but I do think that a lot of men, because they’ve been socialized to disconnect, I think having intimate relationships are scary for them. I’m not saying you have to have wacky uber hippie dippy intimate relationships. I’m just saying that intimacy is about a heart connection and about a truth connection. That is possible if you’re able to unveil or unmask.
