Bandit: Beauty and the Bandit (dir. Hal Needham, 1994)
Dig this: Bandit (Brian Bloom) has been hired by Lynn (Brian Krause) to race his car in a big car race. Again, I think it’s for vaguely sketched out political reasons. But Bandit’s car is stolen by a passing supermodel named Crystal, who is played by Sports Illustrated Swimsuit luminary Kathy Ireland. Bandit has to steal a tour bus to chase after her, get his car back, and make it to the race on time. The tour bus is full of traveling nudists (there they go again!), and eventually Bandit will also pick up some kindly nuns, and a fat Elvis impersonator. And, yes, he’ll pick up Kathy Ireland too.
Nudists, man. I recall 1994 with clarity, and I don’t seem to recall a nudism boom at the time, so I don’t understand why they cropped up in comedies so often. This is the second Smokey and the Bandit film to feature nudists. I know nudist magazines were popular in the early days of printed smut, as it was a safe and legal way to see naked ladies, but that was back in the 1950s. The nudists in this film are, of course, safe-for-TV nude, which means a few bare backs and a few bare legs, but nothing remotely titillating. They announce frequently “We’re nudists!” One of the nudists is turned on by women with their clothes on. Yuk yuk.
Oh yes. Story. Why did Crystal steal Bandit’s car? It turns out she’s on the run from her mobster boyfriend, played by (drumroll please) Tony Curtis. The 1990s were not kind to Tony Curtis, thanks to this and a truly awful “horror” movie called The Mummy Lives wherein he played an Egyptian. I’ll say this: Curtis is not sleepwalking through this movie. He actually sells the role.
Bandit: Beauty and the Bandit is the climax of the series. It’s probably the best for just how incidental it is. There are a lot of character, a lot of plot threads, and is the only one that seems to have any genuine energy. It also doesn’t hurt that we get to look at a circa-1994 Kathy Ireland.
Rounding Cape Horn. Into the home stretch…
