Another horror movie rap courtesy of director Renny Harlin, “Are You Ready for Freddy” featured once-and-former rap sensations The Fat Boys being menaced by Freddy Krueger himself, played and rapped by Robert Englund. The year was 1988, the film was A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master, and thanks in large part to this song, Freddy was no longer scary. He was a pop culture icon spewing bad puns and awful rap lyrics, but no matter how bastardized the Nightmare on Elm Street franchise had become, this novelty track was a lot of fun, and the music video is borderline adorable. Look at their matching Freddy Krueger t-shirts! The Fat Boys make supernatural murder seem cute.
Best Lyric:
Fred Krueger the myth / Or Fred Krueger the man / Doesn’t matter cause I’m still / Rapping bout him understand? / So sit back Jack, I’m gonna bust a rhyme / Grab a hold of your friends, it’s Krueger time!
Rusty Cundieff’s Tales from the Hood – a horror anthology film set in… well, the hood – came executive produced by Spike Lee, but it didn’t make much of an impression and now it feels like a footnote in the annals of 1990s horror cinema. But it did have a damn good soundtrack, and the highlight has to be Bokie Loc’s spooky but still utterly danceable “Death Represents My Hood,” which doesn’t have the hilarious lyrics we’ve been highlighting so far on this list but is, honestly, a damned good song.
Best Lyric:
I got him looking like The Exorcist / I hear screams / Seems that somebody’s fucked up critical / And ICU dyin’ too slow
This ode to the Nightmare on Elm Street movies was originally supposed to join “Are You Ready for Freddy” on the Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master soundtrack, but for some reason it never made it onto the album. How wrong those producers were: “Nightmare on My Street” shot up to #15 on the Billboard Hot 100, and was the third hit single from DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince’s second album “He’s the DJ, I’m the Rapper.” It’s a clever homage to the horror franchise and features the on-air death of one of the musicians, making it a particularly notable horror movie rap classic.
Best Lyric:
When I got downstairs I noticed something was wrong / I was home all alone but the TV was on / I thought nothin’ of it as I grabbed the remote / I pushed the power button and then I almost choked / When I heard this awful voice coming from behind / It said,”You turned off David Letterman… now you must die!”
Not technically from a movie but skele-tons of fun anyway, “Crypt Jam” sprang from the soundtrack to HBO’s acclaimed anthology horror series “Tales from the Crypt,” starring the voice of John Kassir as the puppet creation The Cryptkeeper. He was a cackling ghoul who introduced new tales of terror every week, with terrible horror-related puns galore. “Crypt Jam” is a danceworthy celebration of the title character’s playful dark humor, and so cheerfully enthusiastic about being scary that it’s damn near the most fun horror rap song we’ve ever heard.
Best Lyric:
The Cryptkeeper’s in the house / With a groove that’s nasty and mean / Like the effects of a guillotine / A permanent headache’s the end of the mission / For you have entered the Keeper’s terrorvision
Shark Night 3D wasn’t the campy horror-comedy we all hoped it would be. It’s about a group of college students terrorized by sharks that mysteriously show up in the middle of a lake, which should have led to absolute hilarity, but instead shark Night saved all the humor for after the closing credits, when a music video for “Sharks Bite” – written and shot by the cast of the film – plays in all its gloriously stupid, energetic and good-natured glory. Wacky lyrics, surprising bursts of emotion, and a whole hell of a lot of fun made this Lonely Island-esque easter egg the best, and possibly, only good reason to watch Shark Night 3D. It was worth the price of admission alone.
Best Lyric (Runner-Up):
Shark, listen to me / When I’m standing in that lake all alone / Staring at my arm / Fantasies, they come through my mind / And I finally realize / I hate your butt
Best Lyric:
Wear glasses to see this wicked redemption / Kick shark ass in three frickin’ dimensions / Mess with my crew and bam, you’re dead / Just like this mothersharkin’ hammerhead / Jam on bread, peanut butter on toast / I eat a hearty breakfast and I make shark ghosts
William Bibbiani is the editor of CraveOnline’s Film Channel and co-host of The B-Movies Podcast. Follow him on Twitter at @WilliamBibbiani.
