It’s been over two decades since Hip Hop was considered a laughable fad. I was there in the eighties, I saw how record labels, pop music fans and the such dismissed Hip Hop as a joke. Well, here we are in 2012 and pretty much everything from music to fashion to film is decided in some way by the billion dollar global industry of Hip Hop. When anything becomes this popular it seeps into the fabric of society and becomes part of the mass culture. When that happens, well, shit can go really, really wrong. In the spirit of such spectacle, we’ve dug up ten examples of how Hip Hop can be abused, for the Top Ten Most Embarrassing Hip Hop Moments. Prepare yourself: This isn’t just bad, it’s emotionally scarring.
10. Krispy Kreme – The Baddest
While Krispy Kreme has become something of an internet phenomenon, I cautiously put this at number ten simply because it’s supposed to be funny. Tyler Cassidy, aka Krispy Kreme, is the valedictorian of his class in Michigan. He also has some real songs that are actually pretty good. That being said, this Krispy Kreme alter ego is awful.
Now you understand the chills of sadness.
09. Rappin’ Rodney – No Respect
Before Hip Hop caught on and became the juggernaut it is today, there was a time when it was used as a vehicle for comedies and comics. This is one of the most egregious examples of that. Rodney Dangerfield, using his age-old No Respect shtick, attempts to make a funny video about getting no respect.
Some find this to be classic Rodney Dangerfield but since that term makes more sense applied to Easy Money or Back To School, this video gets no respect (see what I did there?).
08. Luscious C and DJ Fist – Watchman Rap
If DC Comics current Before Watchman series makes original Watchman author Alan Moore angry, then he can’t have seen this 1985 video because it would have been a blood bath. Outside of the horrible lyrics, this is the most unnecessary rap song ever.
Who the fuck decided a rap song about a comic book would be super awesome and would only truly work when put over music that sounds like it was lifted from a shitty video game? I’m still waiting for the follow up. Perhaps “V Is For Vendetta’s On The Mic” or “The Dark Knight Returns (To Diss Your Crew)”.
07. Tom Hanks & Dan Aykroyd – Dragnet Rap
Hooo man, I don’t even know where to begin with this one. Like Rappin’ Rodney, the producers of Dragnet thought it would be pants shitting hysterical to have the whitest white guys making a movie about the whitest show in TV history do a rap song. I have no idea how many pounds of cocaine were huffed before this gem was slapped together but I’m sure it was staggering. I DEFY anybody to make it past the Goat Pants guy rapping. It’s impossible to continue watching without your eyes and ears exploding.
Dancing Tom Hanks and Dan Aykroyd is the most horrible thing ever.
06. Joe Pesci – Wiseguy
Oh I’m sorry, did I say the Dragnet Rap was the worst movie tie in rap ever? Sorry, I forgot about Joe Pesci grabbing the mic and laying down lyrics about being a Wiseguy. I’m sure the Pesci faithful out there will defend this as a joke but it’s so bad that the comedy is completely lost.
I can only assume a drunk Joe Pesci wandered into a studio after listening to Rapture by Blondie and started screaming, “I can do this shit”. At that point two seriously high engineers layed down this “fat beat” and then laughed their asses off while Pesci rhymed.
05. Speak – Sometimes People Make War
I feel kind of bad putting this one on here because Hungarian rapper Speak has a solid message about peace and love. That being said, holy shit this is funny. I love how Speak doesn’t so much rap as just randomly talks over this beat that sounds like leftover Wilson Philips. I also dig how Speak’s message of peace and non-materialistic living is performed in front of his fancy car. Oh, and why the graveyard? I guess to represent the fallen soldiers? Does this mean Speak will pour out some Palinka for the fallen homeys?
Best part is the chorus; it raises this up to nearly an SNL skit about a European rapper.
04. Celtic Frost – Hip Hop Jugend
No, you didn’t read that wrong, this is metal legends Celtic Frost performing a club banger Hip Hop jam. I wanted this to be a joke. I desperately, desperately prayed to Gods Of Metal to make this a basement project from some batch of kids who hated Celtic Frost. Nope, not a joke.
Thankfully I was able to shatter some old Celtic Frost vinyl in order to stab the shards into my ears until the pain stopped. I share this with you so I don’t have to suffer alone.
03. The Rappin’Granny
Turn away from this video, I FUCKING DARE YOU!! You can’t, you can’t turn away. It’s like this old couple symbolically turned us all into Alex from A Clockwork Orange and we must watch this with our eyelids ripped open screaming. I don’t care that it was a contest for free furniture; there was no need for this to happen. Don’t these two have kids who can buy the furniture instead of allowing this tragedy to unfold?
I tried to laugh at off but when granny goes “Pee, ugh ugh, pee,” I instantly threw myself into traffic.
02. A. Samuels – Livin’ De Life
Remember that douche chilling moment when you heard your Uncle or Grandfather say, “That’s the bomb” or “That’s radical” and then he winked at you to let you know he was cool? Well, here’s a whole fucking video of that feeling. A. Samuels isn’t kidding, he really thinks he has a message and that he’s street enough to bring it with Hip Hop. The lyrics here are so laughably bad that they must be serious, no comedy is brilliant enough to come up with this. One of the most horrifying aspects is the live show cut in. THIS GUY DID LIVE SHOWS?
The best line is actually from some other guy at the end of the video. What the hell is a Twizzum Chain?
01. Insane Clown Posse – Miracles
As much horror as you have seen here today, nothing comes close to this song. Easily the worst rap song ever written. I love how the ICP guys hate scientists but yet ask scientific questions like the infamous “Magnets, how do they work”. The only way these guys can redeem themselves is to admit it’s all performance art and they know how ridiculous they are.
So there you go. Ten Examples Of Embarrassing Hip Hop. Did we miss something? Besides anythign ever done by Lil Wayne, of course – but we didn’t want the list to be entirely limited to one baby-talking base-rhymer. So please add your own link in the comments below and help round this list out. If anybody needs me, I’ll be bleaching my eyes and ears.
