We have officially reached a new rock-bottom level of douchebag. That’s because comedian Dane Cook announced his engagement to aspiring singer and Pilates instructor Kelsi Taylor.
“What’s so controversial about that?” you wonder. Well, Cook is 50 years old. Taylor is 23. But this isn’t your typical May-December romance…because the couple has been dating for five years. For those who aren’t great at math, that means they started dating when Taylor was 18 – barely legal. Apparently they met when she was only 15. Talk about robbing the cradle (though that’s way too cute a term for what we suspect was going on here).
To announce their engagement, Cook shared a series of videos and pics of the happy couple on Instagram with the caption, “She said yes!”
The duo also gave an exclusive gushy interview to People, in which Cook shared his “plans” and “goals” for the impending marriage.
“We just want to continue to inspire each other, to build a family together, stay mindful and encouraging always, and to keep laughing through it all,” he said.
Taylor added: “I’m about to spend the rest of my life with my favorite person and my best friend — what is there to not look forward to? Family has always been such an important part of my life and the idea of expanding it and starting our own family together with the man of my dreams just fills my heart.”
Oh, dear. There’s so much we could say here (like, honey, he isn’t going to be around for the rest of your life, and sir, there’s nothing funny about grooming) but we’ll bite our tongues and let Twitter make some legitimately funny jokes for us.
When I saw why Dane Cook was trending pic.twitter.com/syDqbA2mai
— Mohanad Elshieky (@MohanadElshieky) August 2, 2022
I had a huuuuge crush on Dane Cook in middle school. Had no idea I was too old for him.
— Jessica Singer (@jessicasdumthot) August 3, 2022
everybody calm down, dane cook may have met his girlfriend when she was 15 but they were “just friends” until her 18th birthday. who among us has not been a middle aged man with friends who are still in middle school?
— kai™ (@kaicomedy) August 2, 2022
chris delia and dane cook walk into a bar and their dates have to wait outside
— kai™ (@kaicomedy) August 2, 2022
“Dane Cook , 50, engaged to his longtime love, 23, after 5 years of dating”
Us: pic.twitter.com/JtiTxfIE89
— comedianwasalu (@comedianwasalu) August 3, 2022
“Bride or Groomer?” – usher at Dane Cook’s wedding https://t.co/cMHdvL1YJO
— Gareth Reynolds (@reynoldsgareth) August 3, 2022
Dane Cook and his fiancee are registered at Build-A-Bear.
— Christian Finnegan (@ChristFinnegan) August 2, 2022
Do you think Dane Cook stole the idea to date a teenager from another comedian or do you think it was just parallel writing
— Jake Flores (@feraljokes) August 3, 2022
Congratulations to Dane Cook for marrying someone born the year that this was filmed pic.twitter.com/s3EZ8rTNlV
— Jesse “In Memory of the Italians We Lost” (@MuskTillDawn) August 2, 2022
Cut Dane Cook some slack. His only choice was to date someone too young to have heard of him. https://t.co/yaeX4NeGgE
— Gameday Milk (@GamedayMilk) August 2, 2022
Like Dane Cook's fiancee, I also thought he was funny when I was 15.
— Lee Carter (@carterforva) August 3, 2022
Dane Cook explaining to his fiance that he got famous from myspace then having to explain myspace.
— Billy Wayne Davis (@BillyWayneDavis) August 3, 2022
Here’s hoping Miss Taylor comes to her senses before she says “I do.” One viewing of any of Cook’s comedy specials should do the trick.
Cover Photo: Greg Doherty / Contributor (Getty Images)
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