Justin Bieber Fan Jumps Onstage, Instantly Crushed By Body Guards

Knee jerk reactions are a dime a dozen. Cursing out the old lady who just cut you off. Grabbing the $5 cookie at the checkout counter. Lighting the Fox New Christmas tree on fire. We let these impulses get the better of us simply because it dings the instant happiness bell in our lizard brains. But what exactly is the payoff for bum-rushing Justin Bieber in the middle of his Jingle Bell Ball concert at O2 Arena in London?

The former pop idol turned celebrity scab was not-quite-dancing (or singing) in the middle of his holiday performance when a clearly English dude in the front row got the bright idea of hopping onstage with Biebs to get up close and personal. But what were his intentions? Was he there to give Bieber a hug, a handshake, or a slap in the face?

Turns out the dude, who could be Pete Davidson’s British second cousin, probably downed too much brambleberry Schnapps and badly wanted a selfie with the 27-year-old Canadian crooner. Despite his gangly arms, he hoisted himself bodily onstage and ran toward Biebs who was still not-quite-dancing on the stage apron.

Now as we all know, some things in life are guaranteed, like ambushing Bieber onstage equals instant smothering by large, sweaty men. What happens afterward is anyone’s guess.

We’re assuming there’s a hierarchy of punishment. For instance, rushing the stage with zero contact is a slap on the wrist plus instant ejection from the premises. Grabbing Bieber from behind in a long, awkward embrace means torture backstage. So what’s the punishment for a blurry selfie? Life in permanent disgrace as “that guy”?

Merry Christmas Guy, here’s a video of you getting your turkey tossed by three disgruntled bodyguards. At least it’ll liven up the old 2021 Christmas card.

Cover Photo: CBS Photo Archive (Getty Images)

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