Unhealthy Number of Newborn Babies Named Thanos, These Kids Are Destined For Detention (Or Prison)

In Avengers: Endgame, James Rhodes poses the question, “If we can do this, you know, go back in time… why don’t we just find baby Thanos, you know, and…?” Thanks to some convoluted time-traveling reasons and Professor Hulk’s astute moral compass, the Avengers don’t embrace the “baby Hitler” argument. And neither should you upon hearing this non-verbal public service announcement: according to the U.S. Social Security Administration data (via Huffpost), more and more children are being named after popular Marvel characters—128 children were named Valkyrie and 135 children were named after Loki last year. In following his role in Avengers: Infinity War and Endgame (2019), 18 children were named after the Mad Titan himself, Thanos. Thankfully, that number decreased by 4% in 2020. 

In the Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thanos believes the “universe is finite, its resources, finite… if life is left unchecked, life will cease to exist.” His solution: gather six immensely powerful gems and use them to eliminate half of life. It’s worth noting that Thanos could’ve simply used the stones to multiple the universe’s resources instead of committing “dispassionate” genocide. Regardless, some believe Thanos had at least a fraction of a point. Those heathens are most likely the ones raising these kids. 

At best, the Thanos (s) of our world will share their trail mix at lunch and advocate for climate change. At worst, they’ll skip class and start World War III. If there’s anything to be learned (not feared) from this information, it’s that Disney/Marvel Studios has more influence than whatever source of authority to which we were previously subscribed.

Each new MCU installment, in the theaters or on Disney+, not only consumes water cooler discussions but results in Marvel-inspired baby names. Gone are the days of Moses, we live in the age of Bucky, Sylvie, and Agatha. If you meet someone named Thanos in the future, don’t run, don’t hide, and certainly don’t equate this random human to a supervillain. Just smile and remember, Elon Musk named his offspring X Æ A-12. That’s the kid we should be worried about.

Not really. 

Cover Photo: Jessica Peterson (Getty Images)/Marvel Studios

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