Surviving months of delays (and a global pandemic), the 25th Bond movie has finally landed with a bang, raking in well over $300 million in its first week alone. And for good reason. No Time To Die is a berzerk, action-packed epic full of all the chase sequences, well-tailored suits, and intrigue you’ve come to expect from a 007 movie. It even comes loaded with an algorithmic baddie, a deadly DNA-altering virus, and a saucy cameo from Ana de Armas. But most importantly, it gives Daniel Craig fans a chance to pay their respects to the world’s most famous spy as he embarks on one last hurrah before hanging up his silencers for good.
And as you already know, it’s been a busy decade and a half for James, who lived it up in Monte Carlo, averted a few terrorist attacks, took a wild trip to his childhood home in Scotland, slept with a bunch of beautiful women, never called them back, burned a bunch of calories running after stuff, and got tortured more times than we care to recount. For the man who never dies, it’s a schedule that never stops.
That’s why 007 has no time to live life like a normal person. His world is full of sacrifices made in favor of the lifestyle. Of course, we all know James has no time to die, but what else is he too busy for? Find out below as we reveal ten alternate titles for Bond’s latest adventure in time management.
Cover Photo: Universal
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Bond No Time For Stuff
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No Time To...Wear Underwear
Changing, washing, drying, folding. That's why Bond always goes commando. It's just easier.
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...Take The Stairs
Ain't no one got time for that.
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...File His Taxes
Thanks to Bond, sixteen British tax collectors have mysteriously gone missing. An even greater mystery is how he finds time to dispose of so many bodies.
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...Hit the Gym
Luckily, he scored some top-secret muscle serum he's been spreading on his morning banana since '04.
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...Stir His Martinis
You try stirring a martini on the go. It's a goddamn mess.
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...Attend Moneypenny's Birthday Dinners
Last time he showed up without a gift. It was awkward.
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...Wash His Hands
Just something to think about if you ever bump into him at a party.
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...Commit Long-term
Dating is more fun when you can't remember their name in the morning. Who has time for all those funerals anyway?
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...Find Out What The Hell 'Squid Game' Is
A real shame, since he'd really enjoy the dystopian Korean hit television show if he gave it half a chance.
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...Enjoy His Vinyl Collection
Bond's Devo box set is just sitting there next to his dead plants collecting dust. Maybe now, in retirement, he'll finally have time for all the stuff.
