Ever since Gwyneth Paltrow launched Goop, the lifestyle website that promotes a health and wellbeing regimen no one but Paltrow can afford (or is crazy enough to stick to), controversy has swirled around the brand. There was the notorious jade egg that supposedly made vaginas wicked strong (among other bogus claims), there was the article advocating scientific reasons for vaginal steaming (that was later debunked), and there was the vagina-scented candle that sold out almost immediately. (We see a theme here…what’s with the genital obsession, Gwyn?)
Never to be outdone, not even by herself, Paltrow has once again stirred the pot by releasing a Goop Mother’s Day Gift Guide, with bizarre and outrageous trinkets ranging from a designer scrunchie to a $4K stroller. (And you thought Oprah’s Favorite Things list was obnoxious).
Rather than praise her selected products, most news sites took the release of the gift guide as an opportunity to mock the actress-turned-entrepreneur who is so out of touch with most women’s lives that she may as well live on her own (white, privileged, new-age) island. We didn’t want to get left out of the fun, so we rounded up – and ranked – the 10 most ridiculous gifts from Goop’s Mother’s Day Gift Guide.
Cover Photo: Stefanie Keenan / Contributor (Getty Images)
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Goop Gifts
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10. Dr. Dennis Gross' DRx SpectraLite™ FaceWare Pro ($435)
Whether you're trying to rejuvenate your face or terrify your housemates, this mask does double-duty.
Buy it here.
Photo: Goop
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9. Brondell Swash 1400 Luxury Bidet Seat ($649)
Because her delicate (and dirty) tushy deserves the very best power-wash technology has to offer.
Buy it here.
Photo: Goop
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8. Sourgrassbuilt Fairhaven House Birdhouse ($799)
Because birds need luxury digs, too. (Just don't be surprised when they shit all over them.)
Buy it here.
Photo: Sourgrassbuilt
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7. Equipages d’Hermes 'Diligence' Side Table ($40,900)
For the woman so drunk on her own wealth, she has to show it off with this obscenely extravagant bar cart.
Buy it here.
Photo: Hermes
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6. Cartier Rosary Watch (Price Upon Request)
For the pseudo-religious mom who doesn't want to waste too much time repenting for her sins.
Buy it here.
Photo: Cartier
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5. Satya Twena Custom Night-Sky Chart Hat ($2,575)
Ever wondered what the night sky looked like on your birthday? We haven’t, but maybe that insufferable mom on your gift list has. Wonder no more, mom – and annoy everyone you know by showing them your customized chart hat.
Buy it here.
Photo: Satya Twena
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4. Crave Vesper Vibrator Necklace ($149)
Mommy needs an orgasm. (Like, now.) And daddy's nowhere to be found.
Buy it here.
Photo: Goop
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3. Surya Spa: One-Year Transformation Program ($150,000)
Even a year's worth of Ayurvedic spa treatments can't cure a black soul. (But try telling your mom that.)
Buy it here.
Photo: Jupiterimages (Getty Images)
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2. Satori Luxury Yacht Trip in Croatia ($105,000)
Make up for all the travel mom missed during the pandemic with a vacay that costs almost twice as much as the average U.S. household makes in a year.
Buy it here.
Photo: Ziga Plahutar (Getty Images)
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1. SensOLED Immersive Sensory Pod ($65,000)
Because after a year-plus of quarantine, every mom needs a break, and getting drunk in the bathtub just won't cut it anymore.
Buy it here.
Photo: Stiliyana Minkovska
