The TV world granted sports fans a wish over the course of the last five weeks, airing ESPN’s The Last Dance in two consecutive one-hour episodes per week, giving the grand illusion of live sports every Sunday night during this quarantine life we find ourselves in. The argument of LeBron James or Michael Jordan was permanently put on hold as we all delved deep into the dramatic escapades of the 1990s Chicago Bulls multiple three-peat NBA championship runs that captivated the world for a decade. The Bulls were the greatest show on earth during their tenure, with only one paralleling TV counterpart during that time who could even be mentioned in the same stratosphere of popularity in the ’90s: Seinfeld.
So it bears the question, which is the better and more memorable depiction of the ’90s? Which is the better TV show now? With that in mind, we give you a Mandatory battle of epic proportions: Seinfeld verses The Last Dance.
Cover Photos: NBC and Focus On Sport / Contributor (Getty Images)
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As Jerry Seinfeld once told George Costanza, “always go out on a high note.” The Last Dance tragically concluded after five of the greatest weeks of sports fans’ lives, leaving us all wanting more. This documentary was more than a walk down memory lane, it was a memory so thick and detailed we had to brush it away from our faces from time to time, just to come back to reality. Much like watching MJ’s championship years in the ’90s, even during the moment, you knew you were seeing something special and un-reproducible during The Last Dance. Art imitated life, and life imitated art for two hours a week over 10 episodes of TV, and just like Jordan’s rise to dominance, the story behind his greatness brought us to the edge of our seat, always wanting more, expecting to see the unexpected, and never wanting it to end.
Winner (and now 7-time champion): The Last Dance
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Seinfeld vs The Last Dance
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Best Action
Although Seinfeld consistently broached action plot lines in various episodes surrounding crime (stolen babka), betrayal ("You can stuff your sorrys in a sack, Mister"), and murder (Susan), the constant action on and off the court during the Chicago Bulls' championship runs in the '90s are impossible to compete with.
Winner: The Last Dance
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Best Soundtrack
The Last Dance has arguably the best soundtrack ever to accompany a film in the history of sports-related films. The poetic highlights of basketball's elite paired perfectly with musical icons like Run DMC, KRS One, Naughty By Nature, A Tribe Called Quest, Nas, Outkast, Wu-Tang Clan, Notorious BIG, Prince, Eric B & Rakim, and Pearl Jam just to name a few. We don't think Newman's rendition of "Three Times a Lady" is enough to compete with that murderer's row of artists.
Winner: The Last Dance
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Best Comedy
It's a no-brainer. Even though MJ calling a young Leonardo DiCaprio's classic drama by the incorrect title in front of Leo's face was pretty classic comedy, The Man With the Iron Face is just no match for the ever-evolving observational minds of Jerry Seinfeld and Larry David.
Winner: Seinfeld
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Best Starting Lineup
Here's where things get interesting. The starting five of each production is a highly competitive conundrum. So, for simplicity's sake, we'll stick with the '96-'98 Bulls' rosters in this scenario. If Jerry is MJ, George is Pippen, and Kramer is obviously Rodman, does that make Elaine Tony Kukoc? And then Newman would be Ron Harper, the commonly forgettable and interchangeable but always-needed extra piece to the puzzle? Or is Newman actually Steve Kerr? Nope, nope, Newman is definitely Jerry Krause, Whatley is Steve Kerr, and Jackie Chiles is Ron Harper. But then who's Phil Jackson? Morty Seinfeld, the master of the belt-less trench coat , commonly known as the bro? Or is Frank Costanza the Zen master's Seinfeld-ian counterpart? Serenity now! It's hard to beat a Hall of Fame starting lineup. The fantastic four narrowly beat out the big three.
Winner: Seinfeld
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The More Dominant Dynasty
Who dominated its playing field more, for the longer time and in the most memorable way? Well, Seinfeld was on the air for nine seasons total, and was ranked in the top three rated TV comedies for five of those seasons with two seasons at No. 1. Contrast that with Jordan's Bulls, who won six NBA Championships and never missed the playoffs between 1984 and 1998 during Jordan's tenure. The Bulls set an NBA record with 72 team wins in 1996. They're one of only three franchises in history that has three-peated NBA championships, but the Bulls are the only team to accomplish that twice. Two three-peats is the clincher in this argument. No one in NBA history has ever done that except the Chicago Bulls and Michael Jordan. Oh, and nobody's buying Nike Air Seinfelds right now.
Winner: The Last Dance
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The Best Random B-Characters
Even though Jordan's security guard crew of misfits made for a very interesting peak into the life of the most popular athlete in the history of sports, there's just no contest when it comes to random side-character genius like Seinfeld. The list is long and distinguished: Tim Whatley, Jackie Chiles, Mickey, the three-button vest guy, the horse-racing scumbags, "Jimmy," Babu Bhatt, The Maestro (Bob Cobb), Bob Sacamano, Lloyd Braun, Crazy Joe Davola, George Steinbrenner, Uncle Leo, J. Peterman, Kenny Bania, Mr. Bevilaqua, Keith Hernandez, The Drake, Jake Jarmel, and Slippery Pete take the cake in this category.
Winner: Seinfeld
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The Most Enigmatic Genius
Without a doubt, Michael Jordan's savant-like attention to detail, highly competitive nature, and unrelenting ability to win at all costs makes him the most intriguing character in any story ever written. You hate him and love him, back and forth, like an emotional seesaw. Even now, 22 years since his last NBA championship, his closest fans and teammates don't fully know or completely understand how MJ did what he did. They may be able to tell stories of how he pulled it off, or where they were when "it" happened, but to know and understand the real MJ is a reality left to only a select few people in earth's history. Any fan of Seinfeld knows the real Jerry Seinfeld and Larry David, because they showed you their inner-most thoughts for half-hour segments over the course of nine seasons. MJ has never showed us his full deck, and there's no guarantee he ever will. But The Last Dance is the clearest glimpse of understanding what it really takes to be Michael Jordan.
Winner: The Last Dance
