Although the Rambo franchise is known for its masculine appeal, it is also oddly representative of female biology. Aside from the literal and figurative correlations from the titles themselves, the franchise draws a potent allegory to the menstrual cycle. What if the Rambo franchise, along with Stallone’s career as a whole, is a metaphor for the female aging process? From First Blood to Last Blood, the film franchise has gone through many changes throughout its lifespan. Here’s why we think Stallone has finally hit menopause.
Cover Photo: Lionsgate Pictures
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Stallone Last Blood Menopause
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‘First Blood’
First Blood represents the age of innocence for Stallone as an actor. Young and impressionable, he was only one year away from directing his magnum opus, the John Travolta classic Staying Alive. The ironic part about First Blood is that there isn’t much blood in this movie. Which, of course, didn’t Rambo draw. But First Blood opened the floodgates for Stallone to finally take full control of his body, just like any young person should. Much like sexual exploration in one’s teenage years, this movie is the preamble to the menstrual cycle that has been Stallone’s career. It’s the acting equivalent of becoming a grown woman, and Rambo would never be the same afterward.
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‘Rambo: First Blood Part II’
Rambo: First Blood Part II features Stallone in his physical prime. At the height of his sex appeal, he
fuckskills a massive amount of personnel to spread his seed version of some proper old-fashioned, revenge-fueled American justice. The film’s excessive body count is merely a result of the massive amounts of testosterone estrogen that consistently oozes from his oiled-up pores. In other words, Rambo is super horny in this movie. It’s the cinematic equivalent of a 20-something who is now only realizing their reproductive potential. -
‘Rambo III’
After killing too much in the previous installment, Rambo finally settles down in Thailand to do some stick fighting. Unfortunately, he once again becomes a testosterone-fueled killing machine when an old fling friend is captured, forcing him back into action. Rambo now knows the full extent of his sexual killing prowess, but his most fertile days are behind him. Although most of the Rambo series represents storytelling mediocrity at its best, Rambo III is ultimately the equivalent of ovulation.
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'Rambo'
After a few decades of lying low and clearing out some rotten eggs, Rambo is now past his prime. Just as with the ending of Rambo itself, the film features the last hurrah of Stallone’s sexual promiscuity. It’s the end of his menstrual cycle, but Stallone proved that he could still kick some ass with his directorial debut in the series. Oh, how far we’ve come since Staying Alive. He finally returns home to the good ol' USA to settle down and live out his solitary life, or so we thought.
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'Rambo: Last Blood'
Much like Stallone as a diminishing creative force in Hollywood, Rambo: Last Blood features the titular character now in the menopause phase of his life. Although he can’t quite perform like he used to, Rambo still manages to kill a bunch of people. Having been an advocate for war porn most of his adult life, this version of our protagonist is a former shell of himself. The writing is just as limp and flabby as Rambo’s wrinkled, aging body. His best days are behind him physically, and it features his last grasp at reliving the old glory days.
Because of the increased libido created by the menopause stage of Stallone’s career, Rambo’s body experiences hormonal imbalance throughout his body. This ultimately releases itself in a violent killing spree that best resembles a screwed up role-playing recreation of Home Alone. Indeed, he may still be able to cut a dude’s heart out, but the more critical villain for most of the movie are Rambo’s hot flashes. Just like the beginning of menopause, Rambo may not have drawn first blood, but he certainly does draw the last.
