The John Wick Handbook To A Perfectly Normal Day

Photo: Lionsgate

John Wick is not just a dog-loving, gun-toting, revenge-seeking hit-man. He’s also an avid intermittent faster. It may seem to the casual observer like Wick is an extraordinary individual, but even he has condensed his world-famous diet into a perfectly mundane routine.

We spent the day with John at his Manhattan loft and peeked behind the curtain at what his fitness schedule really looks like. From the moment he wakes up, to the minute his head hits the pillow, we’ve got the play-by-play of what makes John Wick tick.

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John Wick routine

7:30 a.m.

Wakes up, cuddles his dog, showers, skips breakfast.
8 a.m.

Arms himself with an assortment of handguns and ammunition. Claims the added weight helps "double my caloric burn."
8:15 - 10 a.m.

Goes for desert hike, burns massive calories, works up an appetite.
10:30 - 10:45 a.m.

Gets ambushed for some reason, has a knife fight at what he thought was a really great deli.
11 - 11:45 a.m.

John sits down with his life coach, requests "a fucking candy bar or nice plate of cookies." Life coach talks him down, his fast continues.
Noon

Gets another gun. Shoots some baddies, blows off steam. Ready for pancakes.
12:30 - 1 p.m.

Has a casual shootout with Common while pants shopping. Purposefully glides past the food court.
1:30 p.m.

Orders a Lyft to take him to his favorite Waffle House.
1:37 p.m.

Befriends a dog. Dog claims to have a "hook-up" on a food source.
1:40 - 2 p.m.

Gets in another fight. (He's popular). Fends off entire motorcycle gang, misses lunch reservation. Shoots gun in the air in frustration.
2:30 - 6 p.m.

Gets shot. Burns a few more calories (through loss of blood). Passes out for a little bit. Dreams of grilled cheese.
6:30 - 7:15 p.m.

Resumes consciousness. Goes for a jog, hits daily goal of 100,000 steps.
8:00 p.m.

Attends ballet, realizes popcorn is not being served. Leaves.
$%&*!

Checks how long it's been since his last meal. Too woozy to read the hands on his watch. Stumbles toward Times Square.
Midnight

Searches for late-night pizza-by-the-slice. Line too long.
12:25 a.m.

Finds a cocktail gala, upset at total lack of hors d'oeuvres. Gets hangry. Takes it out on more baddies.
12:45 a.m.

Calls personal chef, asks for "California-style" shrimp and grits. Chef promises to go grocery shopping tomorrow.
1:20 a.m.

Makes pact to continue his revenge/fasting quest. Promises not to eat bag of M&M's hidden in briefcase. Heads home.
2 a.m.

Reads 10 pages of Mastery of Love. Sets alarm for 7:30 a.m. Goes to bed. Repeats.