Understanding wine can be as exhausting as uncorking the bottle with your shoe, but there’s no denying it’s worth it just to figure it out. Instead of breaking down the labels and language barriers of vino (Italian for “wine”), we thought we’d bring it home where TV is the name of the game. See, you’re learning already!
Using 12 of your favorite trending TV binges, we’re pairing each to the 12 most common types of wine to give you an idea of what they taste like, when to drink them and, most importantly, which ones to avoid. From the sweetest of Kimmy Schmidts to the darkest of Starks, we’re going to show you the meaning of wine from the lightest whites to the boldest reds.
Welcome to Wine Down, where wine and TV go together like Thelma & Louise, but hopefully without a fiery crash at the end.
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wine down master list
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Riesling: 'Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt'
It's definitely sweet, maybe too sweet. Really only good in small doses. OK, it's way too sweet, we can barely stand it. But it's over now, and the hangover won't last forever.
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Pinot Grigio: 'You'
Heavier than it looks. You'll simultaneously get the chills while being warmly reminded what a hunk John Stamos is.
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Chardonnay: 'The Kominsky Method'
Sophisticated, dry white fun. It's a hell of a step up from watching Alan Arkin while downing Metamucil. And Michael Douglas goes great with anything (even Marvel movies, apparently).
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Sauvignon Blanc: 'The Good Place'
Crisp, versatile and refreshing. Makes you wonder why you wasted your time with anything else. Then you drink more of it to push those feelings down.
Ted Danson and Kristen Bell are as good of a match as this pairing. Ultimate dinner and a show experience, especially if there's as much cheese on your plate as in the show.
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Rosé: 'Modern Family'
Good fun whether morning or night, on the couch or in bed, in your backyard and or somewhere in public (and you're not sure how you got there).
We might be running low on episodes of the snappiest family sitcom, but remember: The last drops are always as good at the first, if not better.
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Pinot Noir: 'This Is Us'
Great for a cry (and a meme), and everyone's doing it so we're OK with that.
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Syrah: 'What We Do in the Shadows'
Adventurous, spicy and not what you expected. Sometimes we need a good curveball in life. We meant in wine and this new FX dark comedy, not like real dead bodies or anything.
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Merlot: 'The Big Bang Theory'
First impression will always be: Who's wasting their time with this? Then we remember most people do, which is why most people are miserable: They don't know any better.
Strangely enough, shitty merlot probably makes shitty TV more digestible.
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Malbec: 'The Punisher'
We miss it already, and it's still morning. Whether we're talking Jon Bernthal's captivating performance or the inky intensity of a delicious malbec, either way we're guessing Disney will try to ruin it before you're ready to stop bingeing on it.
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Tempranillo: 'True Detective'
The first round's unforgettable, but the second might make you puke. Oddly, powering through for the third round is totally worth it.
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Grenache: 'Big Little Lies'
Synonymous with grown-ups lying and falling down stairs. Don't worry, there are a few laughs in between all the chaos. Either way, we love how scared we can get of Meryl Streep.
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Cabernet Sauvignon: 'Game of Thrones'
Nothing pairs better with a bold, dark and endlessly addictive cab than a merciless beheading on a Sunday night before starting your work week. Well, unless of course you add incest.
Hopefully you learned something here.
