Photo: Andy Lyons / Staff (Getty Images)
While the world’s most famous sporting events continue to grow in both popularity and price, the Kentucky Derby has to be the most pretentious.
For no other event do thousands of millionaires flock to one location simply to drink all day in costume-ish outfits, only to end that day watching animals battle for two minutes. OK, we suppose there are two such events if you count Comic-Con.
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That said, we suppose the Kentucky Derby, rich in its history, can be a fun event if you’re trying to get out of house arrest, your in-laws’ Americanized Cinco De Mayo party, or any other form of torture.
Here is why the Kentucky Derby is simply the worst.
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10 Reasons Kentucky Derby Is Worst
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What's in it for the horses?
You force them to run. They win. The owners become stars. And what do the horses get?
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People lose their minds.
You bet your entire life savings on a horse?
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They're selling horse poop for $200 per nugget.
Dixieland Preserves is selling $200 jars of turds from 1997 Kentucky Derby and Preakness winner Silver Charm. At least it goes to charity?
Photo: picture alliance (Getty Images)
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People dress like this.
What planet are y'all from?
Photo: Icon Sportswire / Contributor (Getty Images)
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Derby hats cost up to $1,000.
And you'll only wear it once. And you'll look like this.
Photo: Icon Sportswire / Contributor (Getty Images)
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And the hosts dress like this.
Tara and Johnny, God love ya.
Photo: Stephen J. Cohen / Contributor (Getty Images)
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'The most exciting two minutes in sports,' huh?
You prep and party all day and the race only lasts two minutes. Rip. Off.
Photo: Rob Carr / Staff (Getty Images)
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This.
Enough horsing around.
Photo: Sean M. Haffey / Staff (Getty Images)
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You're forced to drink mint juleps.
Gross. Just give us a beer.
Photo: karen foley photography (Getty Images)
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The names of the horses are never reasonable.
Would you name your child "Long Range Toddy?"
Photo: Michael Reaves / Stringer (Getty Images)
