Girlfriend Live-Texts Boyfriend Plot of Original 'Pet Sematary'

Girlfriend ‘Live-Texts’ Boyfriend Throughout Original ‘Pet Sematary’

April 23, 2019

Photo: PhotoAlto/Odilon Dimier (Getty Images)

Pet Sematary, the latest Stephen King story to be (re)made for the big screen, was released a few weeks ago and the reviews have been…divided, to say the least.’

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Some fans applauded the film for deviating from the story as we knew it. Others, however, were not as amused by this version of the Creed family. They thought Louis was too bland, Ellie was too annoying (though, to be fair, nobody could be more annoying than the original Ellie Creed), and Jud was just too damn nice. People were legitimately upset that Gage didn’t get hit by a semi-truck. Unreal.

Pet Sematary did not find the same level of success as other recent Stephen King big screen adaptations. It, this was not. But, like its predecessor, the Pet Sematary remake did result in fans visiting or revisiting the original book and film. One man’s girlfriend live-texted him throughout the entire film, and her observations were, in fact, pretty astute.

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Pet Sematary Live Text

'I want a baby now.'

The only thing scarier than Pet Sematary is a girlfriend with baby-fever. Luckily, that shouldn't last much longer than, oh, about one more hour.
'Timmy the zombie.'

We could envision a children's show titled Timmy the Zombie. It would be a coming-of-age tale about a young boy adjusting to life as an undead monster.
They should have listened to 'Pax-Cow'

Don't mind the open, gushing head wound. He's really a nice guy.
How many signs do you need?

Ace of Base saw the sign. Louis did not.
Baby hands are creepy.

Look, they're not baby hands, OK? They're just smaller than the rest of our body and it's a legitimate medical condition!
Bring a scalpel to a knife fight.

Poor Zelda. Nobody loves her.
'Do you think they call them 'Cactors?''

No, no we don't.
Chucky

The point of this movie is that Louis put in a lot of extra work, just for the same exact result. Your kid is dead dude, deal with it.

We are pretty sad about the cat, though.
Well, what would you do after burying your wife?

Solitaire seems like a perfectly legitimate way to pass the time before your wife comes back from the dead to murder you.
6/10: Great concept, sub-par acting.

That's why Stephen King is a 'Master of Horror' and why books will always, always be better than the movie.

Sometimes, "books are better."