Photo: Jonny Nunez (Getty Images)
Ja Rule has been “Livin’ It Up” since the Fyre Festival shit-show — or, as he calls it, “the most iconic festival that never was.” While his partner-in-crime Billy McFarland served a six-month prison term for fraud, the ex-con rapper somehow got off scot-free and is onto new business ventures.
Ja Rule seems to not have learned his lesson as he recently told TMZ that he “plans to create the iconic music festival.” Fool us once Ja, shame on you. Fool us twice, shame on us. For any trust fund Millenial who wants to light their Fyre again, we got to thinking what a Ja Rule music festival would actually look like…
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Ja Rule Festival
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Iconn Festival
Fyre will forever have a foul smell attached to it so Ja would need a new brand name. How about the Iconn Festival, which would take its name from his appropriately-titled talent booking app, Iconn, where (we kid you not) you can hire the likes of Cardi B., Migos, and retired NBA star Metta World Peace. You can't make this stuff up.
For Bookings!!! https://t.co/oys1rbvmHC pic.twitter.com/mZ3MqnNqPB
— Ja Rule (@Ruleyork) February 4, 2019 -
Prison Gastronomy Menu
Ja Rule has said that he fine-dined while serving time for tax evasion. So why not rid the bad taste of Fyre's cheese sandwiches out of festival goers' mouths with a meal fit for a prison shot-caller: canned fish of the day served with a 25 years-to-life glass of hooch.
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Private Jet Experience
Ja Rule's new festival would offer a different kind of private jet ride.
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Paddling with Pigs
Who wants to swim with dolphins in Bahamian waters when you can skinny dip with swine?
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Hire Andy King
Event planner Andy King (aka the dude who offered oral sex in exchange for Evian), was the breakout star of the Netflix Fyre Festival doc so Ja has to give him a "real job" this time after he almost took one for the Fyre team.
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Instagram Paper Models
Ja Rule would once again be selling the dream of taking selfies with Instagram models, but this time it would actually be a reality, well at least with the cardboard cutout versions of the Hadid sisters.
