By now, you’ve all heard about, Kim Davis, the elected Rowan County Clerk in Kentucky who refuses to issue gay marriage licenses because Jesus. She released a statement yesterday where she claims that she’s unable to perform her duties (that she swore to God to uphold) because blah blah definition of marriage blah blah God’s word blah blah while insisting the government shouldn’t be able force her to violate her conscience or infringe on her religious freedoms, but somehow the irony of her actually being the government and forcing her beliefs on others is lost on her. She also said, “I have never lived any place other than Rowan County’, which makes everything else in this paragraph I typed before this make more sense. But I don’t think she read through everything before clicking “Accept Jesus Into Your Heart”. U.S. News has the receipts:
The marriages are documented in court records obtained by U.S. News, which show that Rowan County Clerk Kim Davis divorced three times, first in 1994, then 2006 and again in 2008. She gave birth to twins five months after divorcing her first husband. They were fathered by her third husband but adopted by her second. Davis worked at the clerk’s office at the time of each divorce and has since remarried.
You can read that again if you want. No rush, take your time. Then maybe read it a second time to Rust Cohle and see if he has any push pins and string to help you figure this web of hillbilly shit. Then you both can read it a third time for the lulz. OK, don’t laugh. It’s ok, it’s fine. It’s not like adultery is in the Ten Commandments or in over 50 verses of the Bible. That’s just a false flag to keep you distracted while gays ruin the sanctity of marriage and send all Christians to internment camps with an indulgent brunch menu.
Bu not to worry, Kim and her husband Joe Davis, much like they do with Commandments, also cherry pick the Amendments they wish to believe are from the one and true God, Thomas Jefferson. The 14th is for fags, the 2nd is for shooting people who like fags.
Joe Davis says his wife, the Kentucky county clerk who Tuesday again turned away gay couples despite a U.S. Supreme Court ruling, is committed to her Christian faith and is “standing for God.” Davis says the couple have changed their phone number after receiving death threats. But when asked if he was afraid, Davis said he has faith… in the Second Amendment to the Constitution, guaranteeing the right to bear arms. “I’m an old redneck hillbilly, that’s all I’ve got to say,” Davis told the Associated Press. “Don’t come knocking on my door.” Davis compared his wife to the biblical figures Paul and Silas, sent to prison and rescued by God. Pointing to the marriage equality protesters gathered on one side of the courthouse lawn, Davis told the AP: “They want us to accept their beliefs and their ways. But they won’t accept our beliefs and our ways.”
Let’s just brush over the fact that Joe compared his wife to an actual persecuted Christian, because if there’s one thing American Christians love more than lax gun laws and Chick-Fil-A, it’s being martyrs without the whole dying part. But let’s just take a moment to fully appreciate the fact old, redneck hillbillies whose only defense from the world is a 2,000 book they’ve skimmed through and the gun they sleep with, will shoot you if you knock on his door. Jesus should probably cut his hair and shave his beard and maybe put some powder on his face if his first stop is Joe’s house when he comes back just to be safe.
