One year and one day ago, one of the most horrific, recent acts of terror was committed on American soil when brothers and Boston residents, Dzhokhar (ironically naturalized as a U.S. citizen on September 11, 2012) and Tamerlan Tsarnaev (a suspect in an unsolved triple murder that took place on…umm..September 11, 2011), planted two pressure cooker bombs 210 yards apart near the finish line of the Boston Marathon, that left 3 people dead, 264 injured, and a whole country that will be paranoid as fuck for a while. Some lunatic bro named Kevin thought it would be cool to make fun of that.
Police evacuated the Boston Marathon finish line earlier tonight after they discovered two unattended backpacks at the site of last year’s bombings. Both bags were detonated by a bomb squad. One of the bags contained a rice cooker filled with confetti; the other contained photo equipment. A man has been charged with possession of a hoax device, disorderly conduct, and disturbing the peace. He’d been wearing a black veil and yelling “Boston Strong!” on Boylston Street when he was detained. According to WBZ-TV’s Peter Wilson, the suspect’s name is Kayvon Edson, though a reader who knew him in high school says his name then was Kevin.
Even though I don’t like Boston just on general principle (cold, way racist, if you stand in one spot too long they’ll build a Dunkin’ Donuts on top of you), I know a lot of great people from there, so let’s please sit down and see how we can find a way not to blow any more of them up again. Misplaced anger is the only reason any of these things happen anyway. So, who’ll ya’ll mad at? Let’s talk about it. You don’t need to raise your hand, we’re all friends here.
