Kirsten Dunst Grosses Out the Gas Station

Hey, it’s me, Kirsten Dunst. K-ear-stin, m’kay? Pronounce it right. Check me out. I’m fillin’ up my HYBRID car. See, it’s a HYBRID which makes me about, um, like A LOT better than you gas guzzling fuckholes even though I still contribute to Earth problems and the decline of human civilization just by existing because my fanged mouth is disgusting, and I’m boring and I’m really hard to look at. Check out my kickass suspenders, my straggly hair extensions, my saggy, sunken tits and frighteningly flat ass. Hot stuff. But they’re nothing compared to my Nosferatu hands. See, it’s hard to look this dead, but I’ve mastered it. And that’s why I’m deader than you. Checkmate, suckaz.